MasterChugs Theater: ‘Ninja Assassin’
Posted on December 3, 2009
Filed Under MasterChugs Theater | Leave a Comment |
I implore anyone not to smile when purchasing a ticket to see Ninja Assassin. Just saying the words “Ninja Assassin” should spark a silly grin on your face.
I’m not going to over-simplify and proclaim that making a good ninja movie is the easiest thing in the world. But I never would have guessed that doing so is as difficult as James McTeigue’s Ninja Assassin makes it appear at times. This is a big-budget movie with a top-flight crew and a star blessed with undeniable magnetism, not to mention the R-rated freedom to provide the copious blood and gore that so many genre fans crave. Not only that, it’s got massive geek credit, thanks to a script written by J. Michael Straczynski, a lead role by K-pop singer Rain and even a place for ninja movie legend Sho Kosugi. How can you mess up something like Ninja Assassin? Other than Peanut-Butter Sandwich or Free Wi-Fi, no two words in the English language have ever been more of a perfect fit for one another. Good or bad, it’s fun to watch, at least on a primal, blood-letting level.
Unfortunately, it’s still got some issues in it that could be considered bothersome by most. Click the jump to find out more. Read more
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorPaging Dr. Obvious, paging Dr. Obvious
Posted on December 3, 2009
Filed Under It Must Be Science! | Leave a Comment |
A New England Journal of Medicine study is blowing the roof off of the house that is everything we understand about medical science.
Now that smoking rates are down, everyone should be healthier, right? That’s what we always heard.
However, the obesity rate is still rising. So, while lower smoking rates raised the average life expectancy for current 18-year-olds by 0.31 years, obesity lowered it back down 1.02 years.
So, after all that quitting, we finally learned that if (a) one thing doesn’t kill you, (b) something else will.
Also, maybe you were better off smoking?
Written by Rick SneeYou win some, you crash some, you keep some
Posted on December 3, 2009
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You all know the story by now: Tiger Woods crashed his car due to a massive conspiracy involving the PGA, his wife and auto insurance.
It’s a tragedy. A true tragedy.
But it’s not all bad! Sure, his body may be a little bruised and roughed up, but luckily, his checkbook won’t be. Gatorade, Nike, Gillette and Electronic Arts have all issued statements showing their support for the man.
“Nike supports Tiger and his family. Our relationship remains unchanged,”
“Tiger and his family have our support as they work through this private matter,”
“At this time, we are not making any changes to our existing marketing programs,”
“Our strong relationship with Tiger for more than a decade remains unchanged. We respect Tiger’s privacy, we wish him a fast recovery and we look forward to seeing him back on the golf course.”
When 109.3 million dollars of your yearly income was made off of the golf course, it’s reassuring that your sponsors become aspects of a Tammy Wynette song.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe Ron Artest of the party
Posted on December 3, 2009
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Got a little Ron Artest in you? In sporting news that doesn’t involve Tiger Woods’ latest hole in one, Artest is back in the news for admitting that he used to drink cognac at halftime during his rookie season. His explanation: the Bulls sucked.
Thanks Ron, but that’s why majority of the country, especially those located in Chicago for the past twelve years, choose to drink while watching their crappy teams play. They don’t play professionally, get tanked and … I don’t know … attack people in the stands. Why do you think I drink, Senor Artest? I’m a Knicks fan.
Written by Bryan SchoolsRemember: skulls make excellent cups
Posted on December 3, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
When you shot and killed your turkey this Thanksgiving, did you really end up using the whole bird? If you’re like The Guys, you kept the head as a trophy, put the gizzard in formaldehyde until you can figure what the hell it’s for, and used the feathers to fluff up that pillow that’s been bothering you. Then you made a xylophone with its bones.
When we kill animals, especially when we do it legally, we find uses for all the parts of the animal we offed. Luckily, corporations are catching on to this trend, too. Companies these days are all about finding ways to sell the parts of the beasts that we don’t like to eat or clothe ourselves with. They’re all about turning the fat into soap, making diesel fuel, they’re even going all soilent green and putting real chickens in the chicken feed.
We here at SG just want to encourage all of you to do the same. Remember, if you kill enough squirrels, you can make a homeless man a coat that could save his life.
Written by Bryan McBournie