Day: December 4, 2009

You Missed It: Thanksgiving hangover edition

Welcome back everyone. Hope all of you had a safe and happy Thanksgiving–at least the American readers. All you foreigners probably don’t know what stuffing is. That’s what makes you un-American. Now that we’re in the final month of the year, indeed the decade, it’s a time to look back. Well, here at You Missed It, looking back isn’t our thing. So rather than celebrate the year that was and is still, here comes a review of not only this week but the week before. If you were busy calling up more troops for Afghanistan, odds are you missed it.

Time to consult the caddy
Tiger Woods lived a relatively quiet life–until Thanksgiving. The details are still not quite clear, but somehow Woods got in an accident outside his house, but escaped major injury. Oh, and he may have been cheating on his Swedish model wife with several women. Because of the relatively slow time for news, Woods has been inundated by the media. To remedy this, Woods has posted a man with a “Quiet Please” sign outside his front door.

And neither of them was Vince Vaughn
Tareq and Michaele Salahi got to see the inside of the White House without the hassle of waiting in line for a tour. All they did was crash a state dinner party. In a bid to get on the Washington installment of Real Housewives, the couple somehow made it through security and into the dinner, despite not having an invitation. Understandably, this has set off a flurry of questions, including “Why does Bravo need another Real Housewives of” series?

Maybe he’s rapping with God right now?
The Catholic Church this week released a playlist it is now streaming on its Web site. (Think of it as a mix tape from Jesus.) Included with the likes of Mozart is dead rapper Tupac Shakur. After being asked about the selection, the Vatican said it meant the other Machiavelli.

A Microsoft product didn’t work?!

In an effort to help people recognize Bing.com as a product from the Microsoft we’ve all grown to know and love, the Web search site was brought down by for a half hour because of a testing error.

The branding move backfired, however, when both Bing users received a 404 error and went to Google to find the new URL.

We’re big Microsoft fan boys here at SG, though, so we’d like remind you that, at least when Bing goes down, it doesn’t crash your entire system like other MS products. So, there’s your lemonade, Mr. Gates.

Obama/Woods 2012

At SG we’re not here to tear down high profile public figures, Hollywood types or superstar athletes. We’re here to mock you when you’re at your lowest. Which is why we think it’s completely awesome that amid the biggest sand trap of his career, Tiger Woods and Barack Obama are on the cover of Golf Digest with the aptly titled “10 tips Obama can take from Tiger.”

Call it early speculation, but we’re betting that number one is “don’t get caught.”

He REALLY wanted to make his return

Oh retail. You provide us with so many wonderful stories.

Four cops in a Detroit suburb overpowered a 43-year-old man who tried to return an Xbox without a receipt at a Gamestop and, once rebuffed, got so pissed that he threatened to kill someone.

These days, “I’m gonna kill someone,” are usually the magic words for a big time police response. When the dissatisfied customer left to get something from his vehicle, police answered a 911 call and did something called “active shooter response.” After cuffing the guy, they only found a stun gun on him. Coincidentally enough, possession of a stun gun is illegal in Michigan. Book ’em, Dan-o.

For raising a ruckus, he now faces a felony for the stun gun and a disorderly conduct misdemeanor. Nice one, dude.

Lonely? Go find someone else to complain to

Are you feeling lonely? Depressed? Sad? Stay the hell away from us, bub.

A new study shows that loneliness can spread to up to three degrees of people. This means that if you feel like a disease, technically, you are. The concern here is that if you’re lonely, you’re not supposed to be able to tell other people about it, because no one is around.

So to repeat, we don’t want to talk to sad people, but when you’re cheered up about the whole “no one wants to talk to me” thing, we’ll be happy to talk to you.