Day: December 8, 2009

Eat My Sports: A Tiger earns his stripes

As reported here last week, Tiger Woods and Barack Obama will be on the cover of this month’s  Golf Digest with 10 tips Obama can take from Woods. Because I never get tired of beating a dead horse, let’s take a look at what those tips would be from SG.

10.  Drive the ball, not an SUV
Apparently golf clubs work better on balls, not windows.
9. Turn your escapades into marketing campaigns.
Where do you think Gatorade came up with “Is It In You?”
8. Don’t leave personal greetings on your cell phone.
Giggity.
7. Use the Kennedy room.
It’s awesome for whiskey and escapes!
6. Throw golf clubs at people whenever you mess up.
Only catch is your wife does the same whenever you screw up.
5. Blame it on the media.
Whenever you mess up, it’s the press’ fault, not yours. Continue reading Eat My Sports: A Tiger earns his stripes

Game over, man! Game over!

It's Pat!Believe it or not, there’s an actual method to TSA screening beyond searching for 3-ounce shampoo bottles.

Their screening manual was leaked online, and includes possible methods for defeating airport security measures like using a wheelchair or wearing a cast or orthropedic shoes.

Really? They don’t suspect the disabled despite the 1993 World Trade Center bombing being planned by a blind guy and the retarded fundamentalists that try to light their shoes on fire? I guess the TSA has a cutoff point for “too disabled.”

The only thing that disappoints us about this story is that they don’t explain why other methods are used in the first place, like banning Swiss Army knives. Have you tried to open one in a moment of passion? It takes three tries just to extend a useful tool, and even then, it’ll probably be a magnifying glass or can openner.

Patriotism never tasted so good

If there’s one thing Australia takes seriously, it’s alcohol consumption food. There, things like Vegemite, and as we understand it, babies, are considered delicacies.

But Australia has limits, and brother, you can’t just go and make emu and kangaroo flavored chips (they don’t mean “fries” do they?) and sell them all willy-nilly. No sir.

Many are critical of the new chips because the two animals appear on the coat of arms of Australia and are iconic animals that shouldn’t be treated like that. Think of it as selling bald eagle flavored chips in America. Others complain that it sends the message that it’s OK to kill emus and kangaroos.

Well, isn’t it? Aside from having ridiculous names, they are animals, and that’s two reasons they should be hunted down. It’s either them or us.

It’s like the plastic gun in ‘In the Line of Fire’

Most of us know that it is a bad idea to bring a firearm to work, unless we’re really mad at them and want to be taken seriously for once. As it turns out, it might be wise to leave a Lego gun at home, too. Oh, and don’t play Modern Warfare 2, either.

A Canadian man found that out the hard way. A “neighbour” whose apartment is near the man’s office saw the fake fun being waved around and heard gun shots, then called police. The SWAT team yelled at the man to come down the hallway with his hands behind his head.

“I was surrounded by about six SWAT guys armed with shotguns and assault rifles,” he said. “Once they confirmed I wasn’t packing any Lego heat, I walked backwards towards them, was then cuffed, pulled into the stairwell and thrown against the wall.”