You Missed It: The downward spiral edition
Posted on December 11, 2009
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I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, the reader, that I want an HDTV. I am not telling you that I’ve been looking at 1080p resolution televisions because Christmas is coming and I am dropping subtle hints. No, I just thought you might find it interesting that I am looking for something with a 40-inch or 42-inch screen. That’s all. If you were busy getting fired from your coaching job, odds are you missed it.
It’s Valhalla!
A large spiral was spotted in the sky over Norway this week. The Internet was flooded with pictures in what is either one of the most elaborate hoaxes in history, or a Russian missle gone haywire, if you listen to reports. The spiral is similar to one seen in the night sky over China earlier this year. For those of you who see this as a sign of the end of the world, The Guys would like to ask you one question: if you’re going to go out, wouldn’t you want to go out wearing SG merch?
Stayed tuned for the interview with Troy Polamalu
Former Clinton aide George Stephanopoulos will take over a vacancy left by Diane Sawyer on ABC’s Good Morning America. The move seems questionable to critics of ABC’s journalistic integrity as of late. Either way, Stepanopoulos because the second most bevoweled GMA host since Charles Gibsooooooooooooooooooon.
There’s an app for that
Half of The Guys have iPhones, thus have AT&T as their carrier. (It used to be three our of four, but the balance has been struck.) And when they are able to get 3G service on their iPhones, they seem content. However, a lot of Death Star customers are not. AT&T wants to hear from its customers when its service sucks, so it released an iPhone app so that people can let the company know. Our prediction: Most. Popular. App. Ever.
Sacre flu!
Posted on December 11, 2009
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Well, it appears almost all of western Europe is winding down its H1N1 cases. Yep, everyone is on board with not catching swine flu … except France.
France, as contrary as she is diseased, continues to host a rising rate of H1N1 cases. Why? Is it some elaborate artistic statement where people cough on doorknobs, berate the bourgeoisie and smoke Gauloises?
Perhaps it has something to do with their kissing methods. The Guys know all about French kissing from middle school, so we can confidently say that probing molars for croissant crumbs while unsuccessfully picking at a bra clasp is probably not the smartest thing to do in grippe du porcs season.
Listen, France. We know it’s tough to communicate public health when you’re all trapped in invisible boxes and forbidden to talk, but it’s time to get serious. If you die out, then Quebec becomes the French-speaking capital of the world. French Canadians. Not cool.
Written by Rick SneeChristmas cow in Connecticut
Posted on December 11, 2009
Filed Under War on Animals | 2 Comments |
Christmas is nearly here, and surprise surprise, the animals are here to ruin it for us. A baby cow (I believe the correct nomenclature is “cowlet”) was born in Connecticut with what looks to be a cross on its head.
Of course, the owner of the cowlet sees it as a holy sign. This might be true, but we have to be careful of misinterpreting the sign. Some might see it as a sign to protect the cow and treasure it. Of course, those people would be wrong.
God so loved the world that he gave a Connecticut farmer this cowlet so that his family could enjoy the most divine veal ever made on Jesus’ birthday
Written by Bryan McBournieDon’t mess with Stamos
Posted on December 11, 2009
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In America we take pride in our country, our sports, our cars, our whiskey and Uncle Jesse. Which is why an extortion attempt over “benign” photos of that guy you thought looked like a young Elvis 15 years ago, failed. Take that, terrorism.
Written by Bryan SchoolsSmooth move, Exlax-u
Posted on December 11, 2009
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Gun control in Japan has always been strict. So much so, that the only people with access seem to be law enforcement, and civil defense. Sure, some organized crime elements have been able to acquire some from time to time, but to be perfectly honest, even they have a hard time trying to bring guns into Japan, let alone buy them from dealers who somehow snuck them in. As such, you can probably imagine how insane it must have been when an officer patrolling a train car on the Kirishima Limited Express somehow managed to misplace a loaded gun. Whoopsidoodle.
After suffering a stomachache, the officer took his loaded gun off, placing it in a bag on his seat, then made way for the toilet. And here is where both the plot and chewing out that the officer received thicken. On the way to the restroom, he noticed the bag was missing. Gee, what an unexpected possibility.
They ended up finding the bag, complete with gun, during a final check of the train after it had gone to a different location for cleaning. All’s well that ends well, right? Tell that to his C.O.
Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor