Day: December 21, 2009

The McBournie Minute: Drunkard vs. Wild

I trudged on through the blinding snow. It was piling up by the hour, and conditions were getting worse all the time. I pushed onward because I had to make it to my goal, and make it to safety. I was out in the middle of a blizzard carving my own path in the ever-deepening snow. Somewhere far behind me my car lay buried. Everywhere, people found themselves stuck. I pushed on ahead despite the cold wind blowing snow down my neck. One thing and one thing alone kept me going: I needed bourbon.

Mother nature seldom shows mercy. She can come for anyone at any time. That is why you must always be prepared to survive when something bad comes your way. I consider myself something of a survivalist, though you wouldn’t know it by calm demeanor and desk job lifestyle. But when it comes to survival, I’m the kind of guy you want to have around.

This weekend, much of the East Coast was hit by a snow storm. This includes the greater Washington, D.C. area, where I live, only here they called it a blizzard. It ended up being one of the worst storm’s in the area’s history–well of the last 100 years, and even then, it came in as like third or fourth worst. Still, it was intense, man. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Drunkard vs. Wild

Fox and facts? Oh, deer

SG is breaking new Internet comedy ground with ROFLDeer (patent pending).It’s already understood that Fox News has a very tenuous grasp on what separates “fact” from “s#@t we’re spitballing on live television.” It’s also common knowledge that they have a Web site that reports this “news,” yet looks like it was built by CNN two years ago.

But, just when you think Fox can’t lower the bar any further, here are some very true, controversial facts about Santa’s reindeer.

Bonus: The article mentions “climate change” and steps to address it, but very carefully avoids implicating human emissions.

But won’t it still stick out?

Dark matter is all around us, but possibly even more so if you live in the snowy, Norse-ish lands of Minnesota.

Wait, what?

Scientists are reporting that researchers involved in something called the Cryogenic Dark Matter Search may have found dark matter particles, substance so common that it makes up three-fourths of all the matter in the universe, in an abandoned iron mine in Northern Minnesota. Emphasis on the “may”:

When the CDMS-II team looked at the analysis of their latest run – after accounting for all possible background particles and any faulty detectors in their stacks – they were in for a surprise. Their statistical models predicted that they would see 0.8 events during a run between 2007 and 2008, but instead they saw two.

The team is not claiming discovery of dark matter, because the result is not statistically significant. There is a 1-in-4 chance that it is merely due to fluctuations in the background noise. Had the experiment seen five events above the expected background, the claim for having detected dark matter would have been a lot stronger.

Unable to prove that it is or isn’t evidence of dark matter, the team are working on creating equipment three times as sensitive to use in the same area next year. Thanks a lot, science. Once again, you get everyone all hot and bothered about something that could be potentially revolutionary and then call everything off to wash your hair.

The animals’ War on Christmas

Alaska has been made fun of a lot lately, thanks to the help of former Gov. Sarah Palin. But we really should take another look. It’s a state where they battle polar bears and seals. Now, it’s also a place where no tree frog is safe.

Dead set on ruining Christmas for humans, Pacific tree frogs are invading Alaska, hitch hiking on Christmas trees. The state is aware of the threat, and they want citizens to turn in the suspected frogs “dead or alive.” We of course prefer the former of the two options.

But this raises the question, how does one kill a frog in a Christmas tree? Since running it over with a car (the traditional way) is out of the question, Alaska recommends putting Orajel on the frog’s head, which shames the frogs into unconsciousness, then throw them in the freezer. This is called the Han Solo method.