Day: December 22, 2009

Eat My Sports: Scrooged again

HO-HO-HOLY crap it feels like a long time since I last graced any of you with my in depth sports guessing an opinions. But don’t worry there young lads, for I am back with your most eagerly awaited EMS since I told you a year and a half ago that CC Sabathia was a bust.

We’re back with the second edition of my gifts to The Guys that say #### you! If you’ll remember last year, I granted McBournie a Matt Cassell Lions’ jersey, Rick got a Washington Redskins’ vacuum cleaner and Chugs got a 12-month calendar of Vince Young pouting on the bench.

This year, I’ve got to be inventive, I’ve got to be insulting, basically I need some sort of creative steroid to top last year. Anyone got A-Rod’s cousin’s cell? Continue reading Eat My Sports: Scrooged again

‘Blessed are the cheesetakers?’

Reading the Bible, one might be left with the impression that God frowns on stealing. Sure, it’s only mentioned explicitly in two out of 10 Commandments, but so’s adultery, and murder is in there only once.

It is this ambiguous language that may have lead Church of England priest, Rev. Tim Jones, to preach that it is “sometimes acceptable for desperate people to shoplift from large chain stores.”

While Robin Hood may have been set in Catholic England, it appears that Friar Tuck lives on, though not everyone is a fan. His spoken-word antics have called down the thunder of …

The British Retail Consortium!!!

Due to site language rules, we can’t quote their response, but let us assure you it was very mild-mannered and reasonably remonstrative, indeed.

The gizzard bag is right beside the venom sac

Raptors get more fearsome all the time. Jurassic Park painted velociraptors as clever, fleet-footed predators, and they may have hunted from trees. Now researchers suspect that their turkey-sized relative had a venomous bite—and other raptors might have it, too.

Researchers at the University of Kansas Natural History Museum have been studying the Sinornithosaurus, the “Chinese bird lizard,” a diminutive relative of the raptor. Closer investigations of the skull reveal that the Sinornithosaurus had snake-like fangs and pockets in the skull that indicate the former presence of glands. Because of the shape of the teeth and the fact that these gland pockets are connected to the teeth through narrow ducts, paleontologists believe that the glands contained venom. The researchers believe that the bird-like dinosaur had a venomous bite, which it used to subdue its prey.

It’s a significant discovery for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it offers more clues as to the origin of venom in snakes and lizards, which likely stems from a common ancestors these animals shared with Sinornithosaurus. It also opens up the possibility that other raptors also had venomous bites. The researchers plan to look more closely at other raptor skulls, especially its close relative, the glider Microraptor, to see if they possess similar features.

We can’t implore science enough to not attempt to bring these creatures back. Jurassic Park proved that we just can’t manage them at all, and that was a fictional movie; how badly do you think real life would be? We’re in war with animals, for Pete’s sake: do you  really think that we’d be effective against these beasts? And what if the Nazis get ahold of T-rexes? Do you want to have a Nazi Tyrannosaurus Rex on your conscience? DO YOU?!!!?

Never bring a gun to a snowball fight

As you may have heard, there was a big snow storm on the East Coast over the weekend. In Washington, D.C., this is an important thing, because you have national security issues to worry about.

So when a huge snowball fight in D.C. proper is advertised on Twitter, you know it’s time for the long arm of the law to roll in and put all that seasonal fun to rest. How do you get a large group of people to stop throwing (lame, fluffy, not the good stuff for packing) snow at each other? Well, taking your gun out is one solution. Unfortunately, the chief of police did not agree with the officer on that point.

“Let me be very clear in stating that I believe the actions of the officer were totally inappropriate!” said D.C. Metropolitan Police Chief Cathy Lanier.

She was so upset about the incident that she added the exclamation point to her statement, and later took out her gun to settle the press down a bit.