The McBournie Minute: Famous people holidays are just more fun

I have been critical of people who follow celebrities more than they do the real world–or even their own lives–in recent years, but I would now like to say that I, Bryan McBournie was wrong. It is not wrong to follow celebrities simply because they are beautiful and you don’t want to think about your crap job.

Actually, I think it’s only wrong to do that unless there is a holiday coming up.

All of a sudden, celebrities are making the holidays a little bit more tolerable. First, we have (allegedly) Tiger Woods yelling at his (alleged) wife on Thanksgiving, who is made about his unfaithfulness (allegedly). He then (allegedly) takes off in an SUV, but not before the wife (allegedly) smashes a window with an (alleged) golf club. Woods then hits a fire hydrant and tree (allegedly). Then we Charlie (allegedly) Sheen and his wife (allegedly) getting in an argument on Christmas day, with Sheen (allegedly) holding a knife at one point. I can’t wait to see that episode of Two and a Half Men.

I’m not saying domestic violence is funny, I’m saying celebrity domestic violence is funny.

I mean really, how awesome is it that these people have so much going for them, but cannot seemingly have a simple holiday surrounded by family without someone leaving in handcuffs. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my parents made sure I watched Cops every now and then so I, as a boy growing up in Vermont, would realize that the world is not always as happy and simple as I think it is. All we need are some mustachioed police offers arresting these celebrities on camera, complete with with the shirtless suspects and screaming wives.

OK, maybe that sounds callous. But don’t you feel a little better about your holidays when you hear about this stuff? Making some inappropriate comment about your cousin’s dress at the family Christmas party suddenly doesn’t seem so awful, does it?

And how hard is it to be a celebrity around the holidays? It’s not like they have to deal with traveling like the rest of us do. They either stay home at in their mansions, or hop a private jet to the vacation of their choice. They don’t have to budget for Christmas presents, they don’t need to run to the store to get more egg nog, they don’t need to get up early to baste the turkey and they certainly don’t have to wash the dishes afterward. They have people for that.

I just want to enjoy the celebrity holidays before they hire people to have their domestic issues acted out for them.