Day: January 4, 2010

The McBournie Minute: TNA airport security

Happy 2010, everyone. Glad you survived Y2K +10, which sort of sounds like an algebra equation. One of the major stories of late was the attempted bombing of a plane. Some kid in Africa failed to set his underwear on fire and suddenly there is a huge scare. Some people see this as a wake-up call. Some see it as a reason to take a train. Personally, I see it as a reason to get fat and get fat quick.

Remember the shoe bomber? He had issues lighting his shoes on fire. We all now have to take off our shoes when we go through security. Now we have the crotch bomber, who was probably made fun of in high school with just such a nickname. No, my perverted reader, we do not now have to take off our underwear, but it’s close.

We instead get to step into a machine that blows air at us from all directions and takes pictures. It’s called a full body scan, and it’s the latest weapon in the arsenal of freedom. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: TNA airport security

What’s after online dating?

Online dating sites claim that more and more people are turning to their compatability algorythms rather than the old fashioned method. (That would be picking up people in bars until you or one of them gets pregnant.)

Non-users consider it a last-ditch effort, that hail mary pass at the last second of the biological play clock before running a cat hostel.

In the critics’ defense, where do you go when even the Internet rejects you? Speed-dating? Church?

Maybe we should ask the former members of BeautifulPeople.com, a dating site that trimmed the fat, so to speak.

In Other News: SeriouslyGuys has discovered their direct online name rival.

Yeah, like you have the same problem

Just a warning: this story and the story’s link may be Not Safe For Work.

Jonah Falcon is a man that has been blessed with massive ability.

However, as everyone that’s seen a film that totally embodies the spirit of capitalism a porn film, ability does not equal talent. Which is where Jonah’s problem lays. In his pants.

You see, Jonah has male genitalia that is the largest record on video. Unfortunately, he cannot seem to get a job. As an actor, his profession of choice, mind you. Also unfortunate is that he appears to have convictions, as he refuses to go into the skin trade, because:

“If I did porn nobody would take me seriously. Nobody.”

After all, having a documentary made about your large tallywhacker and then a follow-up article a decade later means that everyone thinks you’re serious business.

Remember kids, sex may sell, but true talent sells even better.

Here’s a New Year’s resolution for you

Crocodiles are deadly. They are animals, and of course, our enemies. We trap them in Australia because their government is more forward-thinking than our own. We bait the crocs through traditional means, but some young and swimsuit-clad youths figured out a way to bait and taunt the enemy.

Dancing on their cages. It’s fun for both men and women.  By dancing on the croc cages, these young Aussies make themselves the bait–highly effective–and they get to make fun of their once-feared enemy. This carries on the proud Australian tradition of croc mocking, pioneered by Crocodile Dundee, as well as Steve Irwin, whose martyrdom set off this whole crazy war in the first place.

[via Deadspin]

The inmate laws

Are you looking for new and inventive ways to get out of spending time with your significant other’s family during the holidays? Get arrested! A Sicilian man threatened a tobacco store clerk with a box cutter just so he wouldn’t have to spend New Year’s Eve with the ball and chains balls and chains.

See Tiger? You don’t have to crash your SUV to avoid your wife and family.