Day: January 6, 2010

Take it from Snee: This is Twenty-Ten

Proving that the horse I’ve been whipping isn’t dead, Twenty-Ten (a.k.a. the future) has arrived. Thanks to your efforts to spread the word, people around the world are referring to this year in the manner that will separate us from our primitive 20th Century predecessors.

But, that doesn’t mean we can sit back and enjoy the jetpack ride to our moon brothels. No, now that the year has arrived, some Johnny-Come-Latelys want to go back to the old ways and slip a Two-Thousand-Ten pound shock collar over our necks.

If we value our future, we cannot allow this backslide to happen. The Thousanders (I’m looking at you, Nanette Asimov) had their chance last decade, and where did it get us?! That is why I am giving you a new mission: defending Twenty-Ten. Continue reading Take it from Snee: This is Twenty-Ten

Guess who got the better deal?

Christmas is long gone, which means that the spirit of giving has been replaced by far more important spirits — namely the spirit of taking, the spirit of drinking and the spirit of being a stupid dick. A 23-year-old man from Spring Hill, Florida stole his mother’s Wii and sold it, all for booze and smokes.

It’s like these people are trying to make stories for us.

Of course, Christopher Bayko wasn’t exactly a master criminal, and somehow expected to get away with stealing a game console from right under his mother’s nose. When questioned about the missing Wii, which was now sitting comfortably in a pawn shop, Bayko claimed it was at a friend’s house. We’ll never know how long he planned to keep that pretense up, because the shining example of moral superiority left a receipt lying around the house that disproved his lie.

Oh, and for those wondering, the Wii was sold for an amazingly large cost of 56 dollars.

You know when it’s real

From the same place that brings you The Baconator comes-the life saver.

Wendy’s employees in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, say a man came into the restaurant with his two sons on Dec. 27 and passed out.

“I looked down the line this way to make sure everything was okay and I heard a thud. By the time I turned around, he was on the floor.”

Meade found the man bleeding on the floor when he instructed the staff to call 911 and take the man’s two young sons to the office in the back of the restaurant. Then, Meade and another employee, John Mattice, took action of their own.

“I checked him for a pulse and everything and he had nothing, no vital signs at all,” said Mattice.

Quick on their feet, Meade and Mattice performed chest compressions on the passed-out man until the Middleburg Heights Fire Department arrived and took the man to nearby Southwest General Hospital.

The customer’s identity nor the reason he passed out has not been released, but he is expected to fully recover. We don’t, however, expect him to start craving for a Whopper or a Big Mac, though.

Not exactly man’s best friend

We trust our pets far too much. We feed them, play with them, and give them shelter. We even talk to them. We end up getting lulled into a false sense of security, forgetting that they are animals. Like an uncle with a record, some family members are not to be trusted.

In England, a man complained his eyes were sore and he had sensitivity to light. Eye doctors found that he had tiny hairs from his pet tarantula in his eye. Did you know that those spiders can launch its barb-like hairs as a defense mechanism? They can. And you thought large spiders made such great pets.