Day: January 27, 2010

Take it from Snee: The Rainbow Fridge

As a Facebook user, I see what I would normally consider bright and rational people reveal just how close we all are to succumbing to pyramid schemes and cults.

Instead of convincing our friends to buy and sell Amway products, we sell them out to marketing companies through Mafia and Farmville games. When that doesn’t work, we take quizzes and publish the results so we can all form our own Hogwarts band consisting of three Harrys, two Rons and one gender-confused Professor McGonagall.

But, there’s a sneakier, insidious cult forming on Facebook and the Internet at large: dead pet mission work. Continue reading Take it from Snee: The Rainbow Fridge

… But Virginians all drive 80 mph

As the recently-elected Virginia governor, Bob McDonnell, promised, a bill is slowly making the rounds to increase interstate highway speed limits from 65 to 70 mph.

This is just the latest effort by the Commonwealth to bring the speed limits into sync with the actual driving habits of Virginians, particularly those from the northern parts. School zones, unfortunately, remain a stifling 25 mph–fast enough to kill, but too slow to to clear the obese 11-year-old underneath and take off again.

Some opponents to the bill believe that the 5 mph speed increase will waste fuel, lead to more accidents and require unwarranted spending to adjust signs.  These same opponents, however, have yet to propose lowering the speed limit to a safer, more fuel efficient 40 mph.

We guess the lesson is that safety’s one thing, but not if it means running late for work.

They’re assembling, and training

In manners considering “we told you so,” the animals have been forming an alliance against us for quite some time. We’ve given you documented news on their efforts to group together and exterminate humanity. Well now, not only are they assembling but they are training to make sure there are no chinks in the chain.

How else can you explain how a Sheboygan dog, morbidly obese just one year ago, lost 40 pounds in a single year? Man’s best friend, or man’s worst nightmare? Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

You can’t say that in education

The Daily Show has traditionally closed its shows with a piece called “Your moment of zen.”

Say hello to your moment of weeping for the future. God forbid the kids actually learn what it is from a source that doesn’t imply rightness or wrongness, but instead just gives them the non-titillating facts. Or pictures of old people wearing rapist glasses. Watch out National Geographic, you might be next!

Still not a full-service hotel

If you’re like me, you hate it when you get into bed and it’s cold. Also, you don’t like to wait a minute or two for the bed to warm up and get comfortable. Also, you are so big a fan of the Earth that you don’t want to use a hot water bottle or electric blanket to warm up the bed.

Holiday Inn in London hears you! They have implemented a new human bed warmer policy at a few of their hotels in the city. And by human bed warmer, we mean, someone climbs into bed and uses their body heat to get it to 68 degrees Fahrenheit. We can only assume the bed warmer then gets out of the bed, so you can’t ask any other favors.

All you have to do is get over the creepiness of enjoying a stranger’s body warmth.