Day: January 28, 2010

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Stuck on You’

The Farrelly brothers have made a career out of mocking the afflicted. They had fun at the expense of the mentally challenged in Dumb And Dumber. Last time out they mocked obesity in Shallow Hal. Stuck On You garners its laughs from the exploits of conjoined twins. It’s not a strategy that has won the approval of the politically correct, but their bad taste humor has found a large audience.

That they portray their handicapped with affection goes some way to dispel the charges of ridicule. That they do it so brazenly also warrants some recognition. Most humor comes at the expense of somebody’s misfortune. The Farrellys just happen to focus on those whose misfortunes are more obvious. And, let’s face it, there are few richer subjects than conjoined twins. Stuck On You may effectively be a one gag movie, but it’s one they make full use of, including absurd scenes of the youthful brothers pitching baseball, playing football and boxing. But does the joke ever wear out? Hit the jump to find out. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Stuck on You’

Chris Matthews doesn’t remember color

After President Barack “Still Doesn’t Show Up In Spellchecker” Obama’s State of the Union Address last night, MSNBC host Chris Matthews commented on … something about the President, saying:

“I was trying to think about who he was tonight. And uh, it’s interesting. He is post-racial, by all appearances. You know, I forgot he was black tonight for an hour….”

And so we delve into another entry into Profiles in Sadness.

Let’s start with the reaction, since that’s why we’re even talking about this today: stupid people, with names like “Shoehead” and “Brent Bozell” think he was being racist.

Here’s our question: does anybody know what Chris Matthews was talking about? Is he saying he forgot about Barack Obama’s race? That Obama has wiped out race? That he sounds like a cooler-than-average white guy when Matthews close his eyes? That race ceased to exist for an hour because Obama may or may not be black until you look inside the TV, a Schrödinger’s Democrat?

We’ll take this further: does Chris Matthews know what Chris Matthews is talking about ever? Does this sound like a man who speaks with any forethought whatsoever?

  • “The on-air host was roundly criticized for calling West Point cadets ‘the enemy camp’ when Obama spoke at the U.S. Military Academy in December.”
  • “Matthews also was criticized for saying he ‘felt this thrill going up my leg’ after listening to Obama speak during the presidential primary campaign.”

And that’s the saddest part about this story. Chris Matthews doesn’t speak. MSNBC runs a fanhose to his ***hole, and cuts it on whenever it’s time for words to come out of his mouth. He’s like a perfect pitch bagpipe, as in no matter how many people like his music, damn if it isn’t both annoying and perplexing.

So, who really loses in this affair? We’re gonna go with the party with the least to say about it: MSNBC. They still have no comment.

Magic missiles can’t save you from being shanked

Kevin T. Singer is currently serving a life sentence for murdering his sister’s boyfriend. He’s also challenging the prison’s rights to take away his Dungeons & Dragons. If you murder someone, isn’t that because of D&D, rather than playing D&D as a result of murdering someone?

Singer had been playing D&D with the coolest group of convicts in the Waupun Correctional Institute since 2002. In 2004, however, the prison banned the game after an anonymous inmate complained that Singer and his friends were forming a “gang” around the game. Which is understandable, as nothing says intimidation like an imaginary axe named Blood Saker that has a bludgeoning addition of +10. As such, his game and reference materials were then confiscated by prison guards, on the grounds that they promoted “fantasy role playing, competitive hostility, violence, addictive escape behaviors, and possible gambling”.

Singer appealed the prison’s decision, but earlier this week 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rejected his pleas, on the grounds that “punishment is a fundamental aspect of imprisonment”. Saving throw failed.

Let’s talk about the undead and the bees

It really doesn’t get much worse than this: a 76-year old Polish man fell unconscious after being stung by a bee, he then woke up in a coffin after he was pronounced dead.

Obviously, this is everyone’s worst nightmare, because no one likes bees, and we all pretty much hate being stung. But just imagine that a single bee sting can kill you. Not only that, but the bees have figured out how to turn you into a zombie after you die from their sting.

Everyone thinks that the zombie plague will come through a virus, or through bites. They are wrong. The dead will rise not because there is no more room in Hell, but because our animal foes have commanded them to.