Day: February 1, 2010

The McBournie Minute: Will Ferrell must die

It was nearly a year ago that I sat on my couch watching Super Bowl commercials in between sips of beer. As I sat there, I saw Will Ferrell come on the screen. He was yelling and running away from a dinosaur. He did this for at least a minute. As buzzed as I was, I knew right then and there that Land of the Lost was not a movie I planned to see that summer.

Apparently, I made a good choice, because Ferrell is nominated for several Razzie awards for his performance in that movie. The movie itself has been nominated, and in case you’re wondering, yes, it’s an award for bad movies. At this point, I’m getting worried Ferrell is going to go all Eddie Murphy on us and just keep releasing bad movies for the hell of it.

It wasn’t always this way. He didn’t always suck. But in my opinion, his movie career peaked in 2004. I am, of course, speaking of a time, a time before cable, when the local anchorman reigned supreme. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Will Ferrell must die

Haiti has a police force? Who knew?

Ten American civilians–Baptists, to be exact–were arrested by the Haitian government for allegedly trying to smuggle 33 children across the border into the Dominican Republic.

The Haitian Prime Minister, Max Bellerive, said they could be charged with kidnapping since the government put all new adoptions on hold until, you know, people aren’t living in tent cities and thousands of parents aren’t presumed still missing.

Other officials have objected to the Baptists’ adoption on the grounds of, “Did you see Footloose? Why would we send our children to that kind of hell?”

Update (2 Feb 2010): Parents of the “orphans” are showing up to reclaim their children. Whoops!

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge the law

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that Rip Torn fella, painting the town red again.

Note: if you get drunk, don’t aspire to be Rip Torn. He allegedly got a little tipsy and decided to rob a bank. That always work well for everyone involved, right? Sure! Okay, so maybe not, since Rip is now held on a 100 grand bond. Should’ve brought a noisy cricket with him.

Now, could this story have gotten any better? Of course. Simply swap Rip Torn with Rip Taylor and make sure that his revolver shot only confetti. Then the robbery would be fab-u-louuus.

Man’s tastiest friend

China has long been a friend in the War on Animals, with a lax, if non-existent climate change policy, and the will to crush any who oppose the desecration of the environment. But now, things are taking a wrong turn.

The Chinese government, which we imagine to be a large room filled with portraits of Chairman Mao, is considering a law banning eating dog meat. People could be sent to prison for 15 days if they ate it. When it comes to sandwiches, we’re not huge on dog, or many other pets (aside from horses), but we recognize the importance of elimination.

First they go after Google, now this. Is China losing its mind?