Day: February 10, 2010

Take it from Snee: ‘No homo’

I love how the hip-hop community was worried that all their battle songs sound gay. Not derogatory gay, but really, really gay. Like “touched if my friends call their wedding a ‘commitment ceremony’” gay.

I can imagine the setting when they came up with “no homo.” DJ Fistmaster is taking a break from a hot and heavy lyrics session, wondering if he came a little too strong onto Dirty Lil’ $anchez when he metaphorically said he would “nut in his eye/ ‘cause he’s a pretty little guy.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: ‘No homo’

Who keeps buying these books?

We didn’t read the Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama or Going Rogue by Sarah Palin. You know why? Because they just reached the point where their lives have received notice, deserved or otherwise.

Sure, autobiographies have to be written within a person’s lifetime, so there’s obviously some time for an update, but:

  1. Who cares how you got into the career you enjoy, especially politics?
  2. Can’t it wait until you’ve accomplished something other than win (or lose, in Palin’s case) an election? Or are these the new Nobel Peace Prizes?

Proving that no politician who makes the news is above this trend, nor are the idiots that eat these books up, newly-elected U.S. Senator Scott Brown (R-Mass.) has started shopping his life story out to publishers.

Well, he did stack the deck against himself….

My younger brother recently got his learner’s permit. This is important because he is now one step closer to becoming a functional member of society. Myself, it took three attempts to finally seal the deal with getting the learner’s permit. Still, I can’t help but think that my adventures with the DMV were easier than that of Susumu Moriya.

Apparently Moriya entered a Japanese police station around 9:30 AM to renew his drivers license while completely intoxicated. After experiencing a bit of trouble with the touch screen interface that’s used to print out the request form, Moriya asked for help. Unable to understand the officer who came to assist him, he became belligerent, even going as far as to throw his license to the floor in anger.

When the officer had smelt the alcohol on Moriya’s breath, he asked how Moriya had arrived at the station. Moriya then lied, stating that he had walked. However, the moment he was asked to leave, Moriya went straight to his car. 200 meters later, and Moriya was arrested for drunk driving.

He later informed the police that he had started drinking as early as 6 AM and had consumed two beers and several glasses of shochu. Pro-tip for all you hopeful drivers out there: visiting a police station while drunk as a skunk probably isn’t the best of ideas.

Make out sessions? Aisle three

We’re just days away from Valentine’s Day, and many people will be shopping for some love. If you are among those going stag this year (we have a certain movie-reviewing Guy for you and) you should check out our how to fall in love guide. If you are lonely and in China (Really? How many million people are there to choose from?) you may want to head down to the supermarket. Love is on sale.

The “I’m Looking For You” market, which we believe has an extensive meat section, has brought in over 1,000 customers and helped create 50 couples, which means there’s a one in ten chance you’ll find someone. So if you’re low on toilet paper, you may want to head over to the love supermarket, just stay away from the condom aisle, you’ll look creepy.