Day: February 12, 2010

You Missed It: White out edition

Tonight marks the beginning of the Vancouver Olympics, with the opening ceremonies. This brings up the question: does anyone really care about the opening ceremonies? I will admit that I watched some of the opening of the Beijing Olympics, but to be fair, I was drinking bourbon, too. I might tune in to see if Canada has a lip-syncing girl like China did. If you were busy talking about your hood pass this week, odds are you missed it.

A one-two punch, a double blast, a gang bang?
The Baltimore-Washington region was double-tapped by snow storms last weekend and this week. Two separate blizzards struck the Mid-Atlantic region dropping over three feet of snow combined, and shutting down the federal government for the better part of the week. In related news: Suck it, Vancouver!

Rush Limbaugh must have a spin on this
Former President Bill Clinton was rushed to a hospital in New York this week, where he had surgery after doctors found blockage in one of his arteries. The husband of the Secretary of State left the hospital, and was said to have been in good spirits.

Servicing the private sector
Remember Blackwater? They’re that really big soldier-for-hire force that the U.S. employs in Iraq and Afghanistan? They have been quiet lately, but only because they have been occupied. Blackwater (now XE Services) is being sued for defrauding American taxpayers when they billed Uncle Sam for the services of a prostitute in Louisiana shortly after Hurricane Katrina. Who do they think they are, members of Congress?

How fat is baby? Soooo fat

It looks like even babies are starting to let themselves go, according to Dr. John Harrington.

Dr. Harrington has just released research of obese children’s  medical records that were gathered by himself and colleagues. They started gaining weight as infants, and 50 percent were overweight by age 2, and 90 percent by 5.

So, parents, if you want to reach your kids before they really pork out, maybe you should scatter some magazines around the house with idealized skinny kids. And make sure to add some passive-aggressive digs like, “Are you sure you want stringed cheese?” and, “It’s amazing how much bigger they make diapers these days.”

Take pleasure in their pain

It’s no surprise that cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin. We’ve heard the stats and arguments about this before multiple times by now. But are other guilty pleasures just as addictive-like, say, chocolate?

If you’re a mouse, there’s a good chance of that.

Italian researchers set out to discover just how much compulsive behavior plays a role in eating disorders. Rossella Ventura, leader of the research team at the Santa Lucia Foundation in Rome, took two sets of mice – the experimental group was starved (which we approve) while the control was fed normally (which we don’t approve as much) – and trained them to choose between two chambers in a maze. The first chamber was empty while the second had a bit of chocolate inside. Once this conditioning was established, they added a mild electric shock to the chocolate room.

They then allowed the starved mice to eat their way back to normal weight and let both sets into the maze. The mice that had been well-fed throughout experienced the shock and quickly learned to avoid the chocolate chamber (awww). The previously starved mice, on the other hand, fought through the pain in pursuit of the chocolate (sort of yay), despite the fact that they were now being fed adequately elsewhere.

Ventura believes this willingness to ignore negative consequences in pursuit of food even when there is no great need for it demonstrates part of the behavior components that underlie eating disorders in humans and animals. Frankly, we at SG don’t care if they’ve got bulimia or boo-urnslimia. This is information that we can use in our great war against nature, and boy oh boy, is it good information. Can we suggest attempting the experiment on a larger scale, but then incorporate flamethrowers rather than just electric shocks? Oh, and just starve all the animals in this large scale experiment?

Don’t judge me-we’re at war, people.

Someone is not getting contacted for the sequel to Roots …

We all know that John Mayer is a douche, crappy songwriter and overall poor excuse of a human being. Now just have it verified in print! Mayer, originator of all things horrid, apparently thinks his 6.5 years of relativity can excuse him from dropping the n-bomb in an interview with Playboy. Well Mr. Mayer, not even your fight riff can get you out of this one. Though excellent job calling out Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson.

V-Day is coming, have you bought your drug-laden gift yet?

This Valentine’s Day, give her the gift she’ll really enjoy–the gift 20 lbs of cocaine.

Clearly, that is what someone had in mind in Amsterdam. Among a shipment of 20,000 roses from Colombia, airport authorities found something a little extra. It was shipped in the same cellophane packets that the roses had been shipped in.

We know they jack up the price on roses this time of year, but this could be an indicator as to why.