Day: February 16, 2010

Eat My Sports: NFL year in review

Give me an adjustment period, OK? Look, pitchers and catchers reported today, but it is still a good little while until baseball is in full swing. I’m going to try and branch out to cover some different sports like NASCAR or midget tossing, but for the meantime, let me live in the past.

Predicted NFC division winners: Philadelphia, Atlanta, Green Bay, Seattle
Result: 0-4
How it happened: Um, look, as dead on as I was last year, things took a turn. Now mind you I did have Philadelphia, Green Bay and Minnesota making the playoffs, so three out of six ain’t bad. I will take the blame for you wagering any money on Atlanta, Chicago and Seattle though. If you put your faith in Matt Hasselbeck or Jay Cutler, you’re dumber than I am for writing this crap. Continue reading Eat My Sports: NFL year in review

Judge rules First Amendment protects dooty-head

A federal magistrate has ruled that Katherine “Katie” Evans, who apparently doesn’t have clever enough friends to give her a cool nickname, can sue her principal for violation of her First Amendment rights.

The stinky-sounding Evans posted a critical Facebook page of her teacher in 2007, dubbing the educator “the worst teacher I’ve ever met.” Evans took the page down a couple of days later. We cannot confirm whether Evans is stupid or lazy, but her reliance on Facebook doesn’t help her case.

Two months later, the principal, Peter Bayer, found out about the page and suspended Evans for 3 days. He also reached our same conclusion and bumped her down from her Advanced Placement classes.

We agree, though: Evans’ speech against her teacher is Constitutionally-protected and her principal was wrong to punish her, even if she is a sniffly, desperate, drama queen with cloven feet, backbreaking halitosis and deficient iron in her blood. (That’s right, we said it: “Katie” Evans is anemic.)

Don’t you mean ‘Souththin Airlines?’

Oh, aren’t we such a clever, clever lads.

That’s not a question; that’s a statement.

Another statement that’s been uttered (but not by me) was by director Kevin Smith:

“You [messed] with the wrong sedentary processed-foods eater!”

It would seem that Southwest Airlines has managed to draw the ire of Smith. How so? According to the man and his Twitter account, he was thrown off of a flight from Oakland to Burbank on this past Saturday because he’s “too fat.”

Internet OMG! Whatever will the smarmy goatee people of the internet do?!!?

In response to his e-lashing of their company, Southwest sent Smith a hundred dollar voucher and had him ride on a later flight. But will that be enough? Well, so far Silent Bob hasn’t made any motion to protest the airline … yet.

However, we must wholeheartedly agree with Tom Katers on Twitter:

“Kevin Smith is lucky anyone will let him on anything after Clerks 2.“

Smelliest flash mob ever

We’ve waxed poetic about Star Wars many times before in the past-truthfully, the majority opinion here at SG is that Star Wars nerds are absolutely hilarious to watch in real life. And we don’t care how hard you send your emails or how sternly you word them from the basement in which you reside.

But, wow. That’s a lot of Cheetos smell.

“I HAVE THE UPPER GROUND, GUVNA’!”

People cope differently

The recession has affected people in different ways. Some lost their jobs or worse. But while many people would start looking for something else, some choose a more creative route.

One man in Ohio chose to pass the unemployment time with a project. He built an igloo in the front yard of his home with ceilings taller that six feet. He has what he calls an entertainment center in the igloo, and he even watched the Super Bowl there with some friends. This is all well and good until it melts.

An elderly man in Florida robbed three banks recently, according to police. They say he robbed the banks because he needed to pay off his mortgage. He allegedly store $600 in each heist.