Day: February 24, 2010

Take it from Snee: MTV’s lost it

You ever read an ex’s blog entry after a breakup?

I don’t mean the entry right after it ended where they’re sad and can only listen to Kelly Clarkson. I mean the one a few months later where they air your dirty laundry about your laziness, poor hygiene and sub-par penis size, maybe claim you tried to pick them up the other day, and that they’re so glad they dumped you. (Reality: you dumped them.)

Yeah, that’s how I read MTV Network President Van Toffler’s statement about “pushing Generation X out” of their programming considerations. Continue reading Take it from Snee: MTV’s lost it

Lady sailors make perfect seamen

It’s hard to believe, but the U.S. Navy’s been using submarines for over 100 years, and they just now thought to put women in them.

It took this long because some people have always thought that it’s not a good idea, especially because of “hot bunking,” where sailors sleep in the same bed in shifts to save space and because the subs have to be manned 24 hours, anyway.

But, this is a prime example of why submarines need women: the “hot” bunks will smell better. It’s either station women on subs or stock the showers with Herbal Essences.

And not just the bunks, either, because we’re also talking about recycled air here. Everyone knows women don’t fart, and their poops are modest and have no more odor than freshly baked crescent rolls. They sweat less and, if folded correctly, take up less space than an Ab-Lounger, which is important in a sub’s cramped insides.

(Speaking of conditions women handle better than men: cramped insides.)

Basically, women make the perfect seamen, especially underwater.

iWack

*Warning readers: today’s link contains a picture with pasties, so um, if your boss is cool with 99% of a boob, then go for it.

Apps, let’s face it, they’re cool news folks. Every carrier and every phone brand these days seems to come with their own version of them.

Porn, let’s face it, it’s cool news folks. Everyone and every phone brand these days seems to be able to access it in their own way.

Now, let’s do some math, shall we? 1+1=Apple trying to phase out adult-themed apps available through their iPhone app store. Have I got your attention Rick and Chugs? Basically Apple is trying to ensure that smut doesn’t ruin the brainwashing done in transitioning 10-year-olds from the iTouch to the iPhone.

No porn? Yeah, there’s an app for that.

Bollywood? More like Boring-wood, am I right?

Need some money? Then head on over to New Delhi, where you might be selected to watch a movie.

Ram Gopal Varma, director of surprise Bollywood horror hit, Phoonk, has made a sequel to said movie: Phoonk 2. Yes, we know, it’s quite original, though SG is more than a little disappointed that it was not named Phoonky instead. Nonetheless, Varma has issued a challenge: he will give 500,00 rupees (just over $10,000) to whoever can watch Phoonk 2 alone in a movie theater until the closing credits.

Is that a serious challenge? I personally can’t say, mainly because I never saw Phoonk. Then again, Bollywood is only just recently (within the past decade or so) beginning to have a horror arm to their movie world. The movies that they have had so far haven’t exactly rocked my socks. To be honest, the last Bollywood movie I saw involved a dancing Superman. Yeah.

Of course, if anyone would like to help a poor and beleaguered soul with watching a copy of Phoonk, well, my email address is attached to this article.

Time for Teddy to travel

You may have done some traveling since you left your parents’ home (apologies to our basement-dwelling readers), but what about your teddy bear? Teddy has been left at home, collecting dust and staring up at the ceiling since the day you left him on your bed, you selfish jerk.

That’s why a Czech travel agency plans to show your bear the sights–on your tab, of course. Sure, you could go see Europe, but why bother when you can just send your teddy bear? The best news of all is that the travel agency will be marketing to North America and Japan.

No word yet on whether the plush Japanese tourists will have cameras around their necks.