Day: March 2, 2010

Eat My Sports: FOUR MORE YEARS!

Good day readers. It’s alright if you forgot, and after all these years, we don’t expect anything. What? You don’t realize what we’re talking about? Sigh, I guess we’ll just sing “Happy Birthday” to ourselves …

Alright, now it’s time to stop moping around. It’s a celebration, enjoy yourselves. Today we turned four. Weird right? Doesn’t seem that long ago that amidst a four-way AIM conversation, that the four of us contrived this half-baked idea that people might actually read our spin on what’s happening around the world. And for the most part, not too many people do actually care about what we write, but we do strike a nerve with some, and this site my friends is for you. Continue reading Eat My Sports: FOUR MORE YEARS!

Catholic Charities shoot own feet for martyrdom

In a move that could be best described as “really, really obtuse,” Catholic Charities is taking a stand against legal gay marriage in Washington, D.C.  According to a letter from Edward J. Orzechowski, President & CEO of the group, the company will no longer provide health plan coverage for spouses of new employees or employees who haven’t bought in yet.

(The letter courageously omits why their employees will receive less benefits, merely referencing “the tenets of our religious faith.” Perhaps even mentioning homosexuality is enough to tempt Catholics in Orzechowski’s book.)

So, Catholic Charities refuses to recognize gay marriage by refusing to recognize their own. Take that, homos!

Newsflash: Horrible cookies are horrible

Girl Scout cookies are awesome. Sadly, they stopped making them with real Girl Scouts back in the summer of 1982, but nonetheless, they still remain delicious little morsels that are a bit more overpriced than what you’ll find in a grocery store.

Except Thin Mints. The marriage of chocolate and mint is an abomination and sin before God and man!

Ahem. As we were saying, you can’t really go wrong with most any girl scout cookie, with the exception of the previously mentioned Thin Mints and Lemon Chalet Cremes, but for the latter, that’s because lemon is a horrible dessert flavor. Now, there’s more to it than just a nasty flavoring; try a nasty smell as well.

Many people have recently discovered that their Lemon Chalet Cremes have had both a nasty smell and taste. (That would be lemon flavoring, you uncivilized oaf.) After barraging it with a series of tests, Little Brownie Bakers has declared that the cookies are safe for consumption.

Apparently, the odor came from oils in the cookies that did not break down properly in the production phase. Which is slightly troubling, mainly because it’s oil, which isn’t very well known for its inability to break down.

Of course, we could not care less about this news, just so long as our delicious Peanut Butter Patties and Samoas (political correctness be damned) are go for take-off.

Great, thanks for the advice

At some point recently, former president Bill Clinton called Tiger Woods to show support for the famous golfer as he deals with his sex scandal and goes through rehab. This has to be on par with getting an inspirational call from former Washington, D.C. mayor Marion Barry as you get sentenced for prison time on drug charges.

Generally, getting a call from someone who is no stranger to the sort of horndoggery that you are now trying to get shed may not be the most inspirational call.

Clinton: “Hey, Tiger, how’s it going?”

Tiger: “Um, not great sir.”

Clinton: “Any hot nurses at that rehab facility you’re at?”

Tiger: “I’m really trying not to think in those terms.”

Clinton: “Well, I wish you the best of luck. When you get out, we’ll go hit the town, or whatever kids are calling it these days. One love.” *click*