Day: March 10, 2010

Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology

Look, as a comedy writer, sometimes I say and do mean things. My particular brand of comedy leans anywhere from provocative to “let’s see if my penis fits in there.” And, you know what? Sometimes I have to step back and say I’ve gone too far, especially when it concerns people’s feelings.

I know you expect Take it from Snee (to try) to be funny. You want to see goofy pictures and read cannibalism jokes. I wish I could deliver that to you, but I just don’t feel funny right now. In fact, I feel like s#&t.

So, there’s only one thing I can do this week, and that’s to man up and apologize. Otherwise, I might never be able to look myself in the mirror, much less make light of my third nipple.

Here goes: I’m sorry I gave your son autism, Jenny McCarthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology

We’ll cure that four hour erection now

The pharmaceuticals industry has changed the way we view old age. Old men used to be creepy; now they’re creepy with boners.

As a result of Generation Viagra, women have fallen behind. While the average 55-year-old woman can remain sexually active for an additional 11 years, the average 55-year-old clinically-induced chubbie will continue to hump her leg until the undertaker forcibly restrains him.

If you thought that was bad enough, the fastest growing age group with STDs are the elderly. (Your grandmother apparently prefers to “ride bareback.”)

So, think about that next time you’re visiting older relatives.

Get’cher own piece o’history, right’chere!

Want to own a piece of Baltimore history, a bit of gaming that helped unseat a mayor of the east coast city?

The city of Baltimore is auctioning off an Xbox 360 that prosecutors say then-mayor Sheila Dixon purchased with gift cards meant for the poor. For shame. And just how many gift cards does it take to make a purchase like that?

The Xbox 360, a single controller and copy of Need for Speed Carbon, are up for bid on eBay right now, with the price now moving at $650 (as of writing this post). Proceeds from the sale will go to Youthworks of Baltimore. The 360 was seized from Dixon’s home in 2008 after allegations of embezzlement surfaced against the mayor. A jury later found Dixon guilty and she resigned from office on February 4 of that year and was ordered to perform 500 hours of community service.

She also had to give up the Xbox 360.

Canada: Badass?

Canada may be sort of douchey, especially when it comes to hockey. They’re all, “This is our national sport, we should win the gold medal.” And we’re all, “Hey, we like that game played with the ice and the stick thingies, too!” But you have to grant them one thing: they know how to piss off animal activists and send a message to our foes.

Seals present one of the biggest threats to our kind that we have ever seen. Canada is leading the way in battling them. They included seal skin the the uniforms of their Olympic athletes, they make the English eat fresh seal hearts, and they even eat seal meat.

Now, the Canadian Parliament is going to up the stakes by eating seal meat to fight a European Union ban. Mmmm, bacon-wrapped seal loin.