Your eyes do not deceive you: we’re reviewing American Ninja 4: The Annihilation before American Ninja 3. See, there’s a logic for that-Our Lord Dudikoff never made an appearance in the third movie of the great American movie series. Luckily, he showed up to the franchise for THE GREATEST NINJA FILM EVER.
Don’t let my words fool you. This movie isn’t filed under the movie morts for no reason. It’s bad. Oh, it’s bad. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘American Ninja 4’
After eight months of wheeling and dealing, U.S. and Russian negotiators have reached an accord on nuclear disarmament. (No, it’s not total disarmament, which is why they met at all.)
The deal must be signed by President Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev before arsenals are redistributed to friendly regimes slashed, which we imagine will go a little something like this:
OBAMA: OK, now it’s just time to sign …
MEDVEDEV: You sign first.
OBAMA: … After you.
MEDVEDEV: No, no. I insist.
OBAMA: Alright, we’ll sign it together on the count of three. One … Two …
MEDVEDEV: Wait! Do we sign on three or after, like “one, two, three, sign?”
OBAMA: Well, I said “on the count of three,” so on three. Acceptable?
MEDVEDEV: Da.
OBAMA: OK, on three. One … Two … THREE!
[…]
OBAMA and MEDVEDEV: YOU DIDN’T SIGN! HAHAHAHAhaha-ha ah-ha.
OBAMA: OK, on three …
In our best attempt to make it onto the NSA’s watch-list: THE PRESIDENT’S TWITTER WAS HACKED.
No, really-and it was done by a Frenchman of all people. A FRENCHMAN. That’s the equivalent to two slaps into our face while spitting in our mashed potatoes. Oh sure, some people might want to talk about other government related issues, but here on the internet, we only care about one thing: the 140 characters that Obama will use to wipe out France.
WIKIPEDIA IS DOWN! WIKIPEDIA IS DOWN! BAH-GAWD!
Now how will we win forum arguments? Citing credible and researched sources rather than a freely-editable location is so lame.
Florida sucks to live in, there are dangerous an invasive animals pretty much everywhere you turn. But one creature has avoided authorities for over a year now.
A rhesus macaque monkey is being hunted by authorities, who have tried for a while now to capture the beast that is terrorizing neighborhoods. No one knows where it came from, all they know is that he’s taken tranquilizer darts and not gone down. For all we know, this thing is some sort of souped-up monster monkey.
Fans of the monkey have even created a Facebook page for it. Forgetting that monkeys, let alone monkeys on the lam, don’t have access to computers and can’t read, people are flocking to the page to show their support of the monkey and flaunt their hatred of the human race.
Milton”Chicago is racist” Bradley is back making noise again, and no, it’s not for his baseball skills. Essentially calling himself the Ron Artetst of baseball, the mediocre Mariners’ outfielder also referred to himself as the “Kanye West” of baseball.
So, um if you’re in the stands or delivering an acceptance speech, or are George W. Bush, look out.
