Day: March 26, 2010

You Missed It: Socialized hyperbole edition

Bryan McBournie is busy this week, currently putting neckties on cats and sombreros on frogs. He really likes sitcoms. As such, I’ll be taking over for your news roundup this week. This is because I’m not busy or swamped with work at the office now; that was yesterday. If you were busy being a former Alaskan governor being granted your own reality show, odds are you missed it.

You got health care in my government

Congress made a fairly historic move by passing a federal health care bill. As a result, nearly half of the United States is horrified by this move, claiming a victim status, with the other near half furiously defending the legislation with a righteous vigor. Truly, the only victims have the been rest of us and our Facebook feed, as we’ve been subjected to nothing but misspelled text arguments. Kids, there is no letter “U” in “federal.”

The games will continue

March Craziness (copyright Bryan McBournie) continues on into the Sweet 16 round. Most of the coverage has been spent on the vaunted Cinderella teams of Northern Iowa, Saint Mary’s, Cornell, Butler and Washington. A lot of news outlets will put a positive spin on these teams, nearly to the point of inspirational. Not this guy. Northern Iowa ruined my bracket for this year and if they go down in a defeat that gives the viewers leprosy, I’m totally fine with that.

Someone’s not living up to their title

A man from Russia managed to solve what’s been decided as one of the world’s most difficult mathematical problems. His reward for doing so? One million dollars and the title of the world’s most cleverest man. He has decided to refuse the money and go back to his cockroach infested flat in Russia. Sounds like someone ain’t quite so smart-like, ain’t’cha college boy?

Your crackpot theory invalidates mine

It turns out that the United States isn’t the only nation that hates 2012. The film is also on North Korea’s “To Don’t” list.

Kim Jong-il, who complies the list for the glorious benefit of all his human shields, has cracked down on anyone smuggling or receiving copies of the penultimate disaster porn flick.

Is it because the film is an unwatchable wreck, a cheap tug on the heartstrings followed by stunning visuals, a heartrending reminder of how John Cusack used to make good movies?

No, it’s because the year 2012 is the centennial celebration of the not-so-immortal leader, Kim Sung-il. That is the point that North Korea is supposed to “open the grand gates to becoming a rising superpower.”

So, if anything’s gonna destroy the world, it’s gonna be North Korean ascendancy, not some stupid Mayans.

Drinking? In college? What an uncharted idea!

Hey, students of LSU! You like being what’s regarded as a perennial party school, right? Well, it’s time to do your academic duty and contribute to that pride, possibly on campus.

Louisiana State University’s chancellor has an idea for an on-campus microbrewery. Solely for academic purposes, of course. The plan is for the building to serve as a laboratory for food science students.

“‘At some schools around the country, they have mini breweries on campus,” says president and CEO of the LSU Alumni Association, Charlie Roberts, pausing to clarify his pronunciation: “That’s m-i-n-i breweries, not m-a-n-y,’ he adds helpfully.”

Mind you, there’s also the marketing purposes of such a venture. Chancellor Michael Martin thinks a LSU-branded beer might generate funds for the school.

“Planning’s still in a preliminary stage, so nobody’s quite sure yet what kind of beer might bear the LSU name. ‘I’m not even familiar with the different types, light and dark,’ Roberts admits, ‘but we joked and said we’d make a purple-and-gold beer.'”

Obviously, the proposal has created quite a buzz among the students. Not that it wouldn’t be able to create a buzz in the students too.

Arrrrr they real, wench?

Pirates may sail the salty seas, but salt water has no place in the boobs of extras in the next Pirates of the Carribean movie.

Apparently, Disney is looking for “beautiful female fit models. Must be five-foot-seven to five-foot-eight, Size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.” Why sans-surgery? Well, perhaps they are trying to be a little more historically-accurate. Or perhaps  Captain Jack Sparrow just likes them natural.

Children can tell the difference, and Disney knows it.