Day: March 30, 2010

Eat My Sports: I hope you never win a Super Bowl

I know what you’re wondering: “Jesus, Bryan, you only talk about football and baseball. And baseball season starts next week, yet you have yet to release your always on point picks. Like when you picked the Red Sox and Cubs to meet in the World Series last year.” Fear not avid readers, my picks will be in next week’s column, and they would have been in this week’s had it not been for one franchise, nay, one city that is really starting to tick me off. I’m looking at you Philadelphia, and I hope Kevin Kolb turns into Ryan Leaf for you.

You ever date somebody that you were obviously better than? I mean I’m talking about an invested relationship that takes years. Then, this person, who by no means should be with you, cheats on you, despite you treating them better than anyone else would. I have. And Donovan McNabb, if you get traded, I pray to God whatever team you go to wins the Super Bowl, and Philadelphia never wins one, because you my friend have been wronged. Continue reading Eat My Sports: I hope you never win a Super Bowl

X-Men Origins: Magneto

MIT, which stands for Mad scientists In Training, has released new research on the recently identified part of the brain that may control morality.

As they are wont, the scientists attempted and believe they were able to magnetically disengage this region in test subjects. In various experiments, the zapped subjects would appraise morally ambiguous scenarios based on the results rather than moral concerns.

For instance: when asked if it was acceptable for a man to let his girlfriend cross the Temple of Doom bridge, zapped subjects answered that it depended on whether she crossed safely or not.

When we asked MIT students if it was safe to bombard portions of the human brain with magnetic waves, they shrugged. “Well, we did get interesting results.”

No #### Sherlock

Confirming what many of us have thought for over a decade, Ricky Martin has joined fellow backstreet boy Lance Bass in announcing that he is gay. Not that any of us are shocked, however, we here at SG don’t think we’ll ever be able to listen to “Shake Your Bon Bon” the same way ever again.

Nnnnnhhhh…….

Look, Japan ain’t perfect. Far from it.

However, there is still a line of propriety, though, and a certain New Hampshire politician’s Facebook status update certainly skirted it.

Representative Nick Levasseur went and noted the following on Facebook:

“Anime is a prime example of why two nukes just wasn’t enough”

This was not a good thing to do on the internet. RIGHTEOUS AND INDIGNANT FURY was (apparently) felt by many and then utilized throughout the numerous series of pipes and tubes that you’re reading this on. Now, does he have a point? Maybe. Possibly. We’re not really sure here at SG HQ, as we tend to lean more towards gaseous weapons rather than those of the nuclear variety (chili + Schools = one less third world country). But there’s a good chance that he possibly should have worded his phrase differently.

It begs the question, though: just how many more nukes would change anime to Levasseur’s liking?

Re-inflate and reanimate

The consumption of alcohol can often lead to impaired judgment–it’s true. It can lead to hooking up with someone you thought was a lot hotter, it can make you give a little too much information and it can even lead you to betray your cause.

A Pennsylvania man was walking down the road or something when he came upon some roadkill. With tears in his eyes, the man tried to save the opossum, which was at this point flattened. He gave the creature mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but to no avail. And that’s how police found him.

Amazingly enough, police say alcohol may have been a factor.