Day: April 7, 2010

Take it from Snee: The War Against Southern Regression

Last Update: 8 April 2010

On April 12, 1861, Confederate forces opened fire on Fort Sumter, starting a war that would end three days earlier in 1865 at Appomattox Court House.

Because of both sides’ time travel technology, it would be the bloodiest American war until an unfortunate Red Cross “water balloon” fight last weekend in the Bed Bath & Beyond parking lot. (Sorry, Haiti. Maybe you can transfuse next week.)

To honor the brave men and women of Virginia who fought or whored themselves out during the Civil War, Governor Bob “What Homos?” McDonnell proclaimed April to be Confederate History Month.

Some people disagree with this idea, that it promotes a history that is painful to minorities and willfully ignorant. I say it’s perfect, and I’ll lay it all out for you.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: The War Against Southern Regression

Don’t look now, but there’s an alien behind you

If you’ve ever wondered exactly how far Jordan is behind the United States in the joke department, the answer is 72 years, 6 months and 30 days.

Jordanian officials nearly evacuated the town of Jafr after their newspaper, Al Ghad, printed on the cover of their April Fools issue that aliens had landed in the town. Once they “arrived,” the aliens reportedly went crazy, Yosemite Sam-style.

Wait, the mayor didn’t even know about an alien invasion in his own town until the newspaper reported it, presumably the next day? What, was he hiking the Appalachian or something?

Time to embiggen my score

Helpful hint: If you name your child QZJXK, that triple word score will be alllllll yours.

Scrabble is changing the game-big time. This July’s edition of Scrabble by Mattel will amend the rules to now allow proper nouns to be used in the game.

In everywhere but the the good ol’ United States of America.

Hasbro owns the trademark for Scrabble in the US, and Mattel owns it in the rest of the world. Depending on your outlook, this means that either sanity has now been restored in your world or your freedoms are being encroached upon once again. Of course, no one ever thinks about house rules …

Still, if you’d like to use the amended rules, challenging the veracity of a word might require a nearby computer, as Google might be the most reliable source for … well …. calling it fact-checking seems a little off.

Change someone’s life today

I sure could use a drink right now. Why’s that, you ask? I can tell you one thing, it’s not my fault, it’s yours.

According to a new study, people are heavily influenced by their friends’ amount of drinking. In a recent study, people were about 50% more likely to be “heavy” drinkers if their friends were, 36% more likely if their friends knew someone who was heavy drinker. The same effect was found when people, for some reason, chose to drink less or quit drinking altogether.

It should be noted that “heavy” drinkers in this study were men who drank more than two drinks a day, and women more than one. How lame is that?

The question remains now: are you the inspiration for others to drink, or just following the crowd?