Day: April 13, 2010

Eat My Sports: Just boycott it

This past weekend as some of you may know, a tradition unlike any other was held. No, I’m not talking about my bachelor party (though the fact that Rick, McBournie and myself are still alive remains a medical mystery), I’m talking about The Masters. Phil Mickelson’s victory at Augusta National was a great story of a  family facing a true adversity, not a tabloid one. It was also one of the single greatest performances at the event. Unfortunately though, this year’s edition also brought back Tiger Woods, and one of the biggest slaps in the face to public intelligence in a long time.

If you haven’t seen the commercial yet, a solemn Woods is pictured in black and white (somebody has been watching a lot of Schindler’s List!). He stares at the camera while a creepy recording of the late Earl Woods speaks to Tiger as if beyond the grave. Trying to get us, the public, to feel some sort of sympathy for a self-induced train wreck. And oh yeah, go out and believe in the Tiger/Nike lovechild again. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Just boycott it

Learning to drive easier than learning to open a door

I currently reside in a magical town in Virginia. It’s not as super upbeat as where the Bryans live, and it’s not as economically stimulating as where Rick lives, but it does the job. Of course, just 10 minutes down the road from me is the neighboring town of Salem. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a truly magical town. No, not because of some kooky witch-based pun, but because in that town, anything can happen.

The sky is green, left is right, orange is taupe and cars crash into the back of offices, rather than the front.

Well, at least one of those things is true.

Spanking toughens up your kids

We’re not sure why researchers focus so much on spanking toddlers, but we can excuse their fetish if they provide results (and show their math).

The latest round of surveys and behavioral observations indicate, once again, that spanking 3-year-olds will forge them into a kid-hating wrecking machines by the time they’re 5. And it’s about time science proved that there are benefits to the practice. Tough kids are known for:

  • Always having exact change. Wimpy kids never have any change.
  • Beating up kids you don’t like. We’re not allowed to challenge kids to fights until they turn 12, so this is our only legal loophole. (You’re dead meat, Kevin Milligan!)
  • Hot dogs. Armour hot dogs.

Of course, if you’re still squeamish about hitting your kids, there’s always Spank Kata.

Overly friendly people are messed up in the head, but not racist

People with Williams Syndrome lack 26 genes found in a typical human genome. As a result they are inordinately friendly, and experience no social anxiety. Now a new study reveals that they may also be free of racial bias.

PRAM-II consists of a picture book where every page includes a pair of people of different genders or skin types. The researcher tells a selection of stories to accompany the images and the children have to point to the person whom they think the story is about. As they hear positive or negative adjectives, they reveal any underlying racial bias if they point to light-skinned or dark-skinned people, or men or women, more frequently.

The typical children showed a strong tendency to view light-skinned people well and dark-skinned people poorly. Out of their responses, 83% were consistent with a pro-white bias. In contrast, the children with Williams syndrome only showed such responses 64% of the time, which wasn’t significantly different from chance.

So it would seem that removing social fear from the human emotional range might also cut down on racism. Though it’s worth noting that it wouldn’t help with sexism, since Williams Syndrome kids scored close to typical kids when it came to gender bias. But there are also problems with the PRAM test, which limits children to choosing either white people or people of color – there is no option to choose both, or “either one.”

Still, we’re left with further evidence that racial bias and racism are connected to social fear. Now all we need to do is sit back and wait for the studies that show whether taking meth helps eradicate racial bias too.

Also, I’d like to point out to everyone that link underneath the headline sounds like a horribly hilarious scientific story.