Day: May 3, 2010

The McBournie Minute: Today we spell redemption, R-O-N

Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you’re doing and listen. Anchorman 2 is dead, so sayeth co-writer/director of the first movie Adam McKay. I couldn’t be happier about this news.

Over the past few months, buzz has been growing about a sequel to Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. One by one, cast members said they would come back, and even cut their usual price, since actors like Paul Rudd and Steve Carrell are worth considerably more than they were in 2004 (David Koechner, not so much). Paramount and McKay could not come to terms on the movie’s budget, so they passed on it. Paramount owns the rights to Anchorman 2, so another studio can’t pick it up.

Funny thing is, they already made a sequel to Anchorman, it’s called Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Today we spell redemption, R-O-N

Schadenfreude: ‘She was asking for it’

There are many fine coffees in the world, many found in France, Switzerland and other countries with no extradition laws. The rest of us must settle for Dunkin’ Donuts.

Or, there’s also the ultimate pick-me-up: Schadenfreude.

Roman Polanski, who gets to enjoy those special international blends, recently spoke to the press about his unfinished sentence for drugging and having “unlawful intercourse” with a 13-year-old girl.

Polanski complained about the Los Angeles prosecutors’ who are using the case for publicity. (We’d use their names, but none of the news stories identified them.)

The Academy Award-winning director begged “only to be treated fairly like everyone else.” To which L.A. prosecutors replied, “We’re trying to.”

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.

It’s amazing the favors you can get at low prices

On Friday morning, Tony Kornheiser sarcastically alluded that the French dream was to go into prostitution and save up the money for a beauty parlor. If this humorous joke is true, then the French johns are going about it all the wrong way. Currency? Legal tender? That’s for chumps. They need to follow John Johnson Jr.’s example and instead pay for lovin’ with candy.

No, really.

Johnson, a jail nurse, is being accused of assaulting seven female inmates. How did he keep them quiet? He used the same items that women have fallen for ever since the beginning of time-candy and soda.

We can only assume that the incredibly low standards of the inmates eventually rose up when he mistakenly approached a livabetic diabetic prisoner about a deal.

Today in hardnosed journalism

Folks, we know you have all been wondering this, in a world where we are fighting two wars, dealing with a massive oil spill and tracking attempted car bombers in Times Square, there’s only one question to ask: what’s that smell?

Kim Kardashian claims she did not stink up a plane with a burrito, which apparently was of the very smelly variety. She said she hates burritos, so the story is completely false. Her lawyers contacted media outlets who reported the claim, and reminded them of the “he who smelt it, dealt it” clause.