Day: May 6, 2010

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’

The seductive, glamorous, and exquisitely fragile Glass family of J.D. Salinger’s invention might well live down the street from the fairy-tale clan that represents the soul of a fragile but bountiful New York City in Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tenenbaums. Reminiscent of Salinger’s Manhattanites, the Tenenbaums are privileged natives in a landscape that doesn’t exist, and perhaps never existed, but seduces with the possibility of having existed once in a cozier, more Christmas-y past.

We all have our personal quirks and family issues that sometimes make us say, “How can anyone else’s family be as goofy as mine?” But then along come movies bringing us dysfunctional families like Moonstruck, Ordinary People and The Royal Tenenbaums that make our personal lives seem like an episode right out of The Waltons. And make no mistake about it-the Tenenbaum family definitely has issues. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’

‘José, can you see those five guys over there?’

Every now and then, an otherwise meaningless story achieves national significance because it contains the right combination of clickable elements. And that’s when The Guys document it in our ever-growing tableau of Profiles of Sadness.

Five Live Oak High School (Morgan Hill, Calif.) students were sent home on May 5 for their choice in clothing. They were all sitting together at lunch when approached by the vice principal. Two were wearing American flag bandannas, and the rest American flag t-shirts.

Yes, all five members of the group–at that lunch table–just happened to wear American paraphernalia, including ‘do-rags, on Cinco de Mayo. (So, either this was a calculated attempt for attention on the traditionally Mexican day, or they’re always dressed as the NASCARiest rednecks west of the Rockies.)

Still, administrators asked them to leave because they were afraid that their t-shirts would antagonize Mexican-American students, causing a race riot within their own walls.

And just to make sure that threat seemed real enough, the reporter found a stupid student believing that the day belongs solely to Mexicans:

“‘I think they should apologize cause it is a Mexican Heritage Day,’ Annicia Nunez, a Live Oak High student, said. ‘We don’t deserve to be get disrespected like that. We wouldn’t do that on Fourth of July.'”

So, for those keeping score at home, we’ve got:

  • The violation of five students’ free speech rights for clothing that doesn’t violate dress code policy (except maybe the hats part).
  • The intentional expression of unpopular speech without regard for any possible consequences, and then complaints when said consequences were realized.
  • The intentional selection of a poor interview subject who does not believe American independence applies to her entire ethnicity, yet a holiday sponsored by Corona does apply to her entire school.
  • The subsequent celebration of five a$$holes because of the way this was handled.

Only in America, folks. This could only happen in America.

Blowing sweet CHOO-CHOO’s in your ear

Remember the days when Japanese bullet trains and subway lines were nothing but non-stop grope fests? Yeah, I know, those days aren’t exactly over, but I’d like to believe that recent laws and the international attention its received has helped pressure Japanese authorities into doing something about it.

Yeah, maybe not so much. A JR West employee was recently arrested on his way to work after a woman’s husband caught the guy blowing into her ear. While that might not be enough to get your arrested in America, perhaps just a stern warning, the Japanese prefectural nuisance laws aren’t as forgiving.

The husband apprehended the guy and handed him over to the police. Naturally, he denied it, but somehow I doubt that defense is going to hold up, especially considering the attention these nuisance laws have garnered in recent years. Granted, trains are sometimes crowded, but blowing in someones ear? Talk about creepy. Now, if only there was a law for close-talkers.

That’s right, I’m talking about you.

Big Ben’s misadventures not his fault

We’ve heard the rumors for years, and then two recent incidents brought everything to light: Ben Roethlisberger is a creepy, creepy dude. But one doctor says it’s not Big Ben’s fault.

A neuropsychologist who has never studied Roethlisberger thinks the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback may have frontal lobe damage, just like a Vietnam veteran. This makes him more likely to “succumb to more primal urges” instead of realizing he could mess up his career.

Of course! These aren’t the actions of a young, pudgy star quarterback who goes out to bars to pick up women that may or may not want any part of him, these are the actions of a man whose brain is so messed up he doesn’t know the meaning of “My head’s hitting the hand dryer.”

Ben, just lose some weight, stop looking like a homeless person and find a nice supermodel. Hell, Trent Dilfer gets girls more easily than you do.