Day: May 11, 2010

Eat My Sports: Popcorn links all

As you’ve seen by now, Bryan Schools is taking a much needed marriage-based vacation (we currently believe he’s desecrating Rome as you read this very sentence). That’s why we’re all taking turns at his column.

Wait, hold up, come back. I know that being the movie guy on this site, I might not be the first guy you think of to write about sports. “He writes about movies! His news posts involve video games and cooking and aliens spore pods and Angelina Jolie’s hiney!”

Heh. You just said hiney.

And yet. If I must validate myself, my credentials include this: 4 years of high school football (one year in which my team went undefeated and won a state championship), 4 years of high school basketball, around 2 decades of being a consistent season ticket attendee of UVa football games (vainglorious in defeat!) and a better ability to discuss both the management and player sides of the NFL, NBA and NCAA than most meatheads. There, I have now swung my manly e-penis.

But you know what? All of that doesn’t really matter to me that much, and it shouldn’t matter to you all that much either. Why? Because we’re going to talk about movies. You see, movies permeate our existence-that is fact. It’s debatable whether books or movies give us a deeper look at the inner thoughts of a person, but seeing as how I’m a visual type of guy, I think you can figure out my choice. So yes, movies, are awesome-especially sports movies. Even if you’ve never been a member of a sports team, sports movies allow us to get a glimpse at how those things work. Can we be “the I in team” and still win, or do we need to function as one cohesive unit? Is it easy being a star athlete or are they as foible as you and I?

That’s why we’re going to take a quick glimpse at the 5 Best Sports Movies. Hit the jump to see them. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Popcorn links all

Would it hurt you to give your tree a hug?

Most of us can agree that pollution is bad, yet it might not be worth doing anything about.

You can’t blame people for opposing air quality regulations when respiratory health is on the line. Or the climate that impacts our food supplies. Or the high price of SPF 2000 sunscreen that leaves you looking a payday shy of Sasha Grey.

But did you ever consider that pollution is breaking our hearts, you inhuman monster?

And while we’re talking about broken hearts and your business practices, let your employees go home early.

Did you even call your mother this weekend?

Prick.

Old man knows secrets of the world, has awesome bladder

Prahlad Jani claims he has lived without food or drink for the past 70 years, yet most people can’t spend two hours playing World of Warcraft without having to pee. What could we all possibly learn from this Indian holy man?

Jani recently spent a period of two weeks being observed by a team of military doctors in Western India state of Gujarat, to test claims that he could survive without food or drink for an extended period of time. The holy man was confined to a hospital, where a team of 30 monitored his every move and camera recorded every moment of his captivity.

If the holy man was cheating during the two-week period, bathing would have been his only chance to do so. If the key to being without food or water for an extended period of time lies in bathing, MMO players might want to stick with pizza and Mountain Dew. While doctors await the results of DNA analysis, molecular biological studies and tests on his hormones, enzymes, energy metabolism and genes, gamers, members of the press, and the makers of Gamer Grub hang on the edge of their seats.

Finally, more articles!

Let’s face it. You read Playboy for the articles. You’re so into the literary graces of the magazine that not only do you subscribe to the physical publication, but you read it online, too. The only thing is, you can’t read it at work, because you might get fired, unless you work at the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Fear not, because Playboy is going to launch a site you can read at work–without all those pesky naked women that are trying to get you in trouble. Soon, thesmokingjacket.com will launch. Based on the name, we assume it’s going to a bit more covered up, and post celebrity mugshots and legal documents.