Day: May 17, 2010

The McBournie Minute: What’s wrong with our fragile rockers?

In case you’re skimming through this, that’s “fragile rockers,” not “Fraggle Rockers.” I will discuss the medical issues of Gobo and the gang in a column some time in the future.

As many of you now already know, we lost Ronnie James Dio yesterday. He died of stomach cancer, surrounded by friends and of course, lots of fake blood. His death brings a sobering moment to us all, especially the metal community, who are among the most conscious of mortuary affairs of all musicians.

What his death points out is something very important: our rock singers are not as flawless and ageless as they would have us believe. No, they are mere mortals, blessed with the ability to rock us. What can we do to save them? There’s no easy answer. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: What’s wrong with our fragile rockers?

Supremely good news, bad news

OK, so the U.S. Supreme Court has good news and bad news. Which would you like first?

We’re sorry. You should speak up louder when addressing your computer, especially if you’re at work. We’ll just assume you said, “Good news first.”

The good news is that if you’re a a juvenile delinquent, then you can no longer receive a life sentence for your crimes unless you kill someone … intentionally. So, this is kind of bad news if you’re a parent and lack the stones to “take out” the bad seed you “brought in to this world.” The system won’t do it for you anymore. (That’s not our “bad news,” though.)

The bad news is that you can still be held indefinitely for sex crimes, which are not murder. So, if you’re gonna have sex with your high school girlfriend (assuming you’re in high school or a famous film director), make sure you have her parents’ consent first.

So, keep your hands gloved and your hard drive clean; otherwise, you’re grounded for life.

Best. Bodyguard. EVER.

Maybe you’ve taken a browse through the news lately and seen a more than uncommon trend of attacks on children in China. It’s not so pretty and has caused a humongous amount of fear in tons of parents. Well, one set of parents has decided to ensure that these don’t happen to their child.

They’ve hired a f@$^ing Shaolin monk to walk their daughter to and from school.

His resume: he can catch an electric saw with his bare hands, can hold an electric drill to his bare head and has the nickname of “Iron Man.” And at a cost of only 1000 pounds a month (roughly 2000 dollars in the US), it’s a steal!

Congratulations Liu family-you’ve made a SeriouslyGuy approved decision.

Germ warfare

Bats. They hang upside down. They mostly eat bugs and fruit. They use sonar. They are one of the greatest threats to mankind, too.

Not that anyone at the CIA has a comment about it, but a new disease is killing bats in Indiana. If we’re lucky, it will spread farther. The disease, which we are in no way saying was created by the U.S. government in a clandestine effort to kill off animals without outwardly supporting the cause, causes bats noses to turn white. This is a bad thing, because the bats die of embarrassment within days.