Day: May 18, 2010

Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’

Bryan Schools is still learning what it’s like to go the rest of his life without sex, so I’m filling in for him this week. Here’s “Take These Sports from Snee and Eat Them.”

I’m not about to say that the entire sporting world is in trouble. But, certain teams and players could use a–ahem–boost:

That was the stands from last night’s Baltimore/Kansas City game at Camden Yard. Granted, it had rained all day and night, but even if you lived next door, would you bother to attend to watch the Orioles and the Royals? The title card alone sounds like it was pronounced by Foghorn Leghorn after a stroke.

They’re not alone. Detroit fans were already hesitant to spend money of Lions games, but now they’re abandoning the city and surrounding suburbs. How do you justify spending cash (we assume they still sell tickets) to a Kid Rock crowd?

You give them exactly why they watch Syfy and USA, and it’s not for Eureka or Psych; it’s for professional wrestling. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’

Inter-Web solves all conservative problems!

The Internet is like the universe: nobody has seen the whole thing, and anyone claiming to know exactly what’s out there is trying to sell you something.

So, when it was announced that political conservatives were starting their own “Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr,” we knew this would be a hoot.

Ricochet (not to be confused with the chain of gay rod and gun clubs) will become an online home for conservatives by conservatives like Peter Robinson, who believes the “left outweighs the right-wing in cyberspace.”

We’re not sure exactly how anybody measures that sort of statement, considering that people of all political stripes use (or are at least invited to use) Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr, each of which are distinctly different from each other unless you only know them as buzzwords. Or, do they mean it in the Fox News-sense where  it’s not fair to conservatives if there is any liberal involvement whatsoever?

(Special thanks to Alexis for the story.)

Of course it’s someone else’s fault

As stereotypes go, Canada doesn’t really have a very bad one. They’re generally regarded as a nice, wholesome group of people that are pleasant rather than acerbic. Of course, there’s always an exception to the rule.

Right now, that exception is Gabriella Nagy.

In 2007, Nagy was allegedly in the midst of a tryst-with someone other than her husband. Nnnnh. Mind you, this more or less had the kibosh put on it because of a cell phone bill. Rogers, one of the largest telecommunications companies in the Great White North, and the cellular provider for Nagy and her husband, consolidated the bills for the house (her cellphone bill was separate from the rest of the family communication bills)-which her husband got ahold of. And subsequently saw several hour long phone calls to the third party.

Nnnnh.

In a move that we can only classify as “love justice,” the husband left Gabriella. She is now suing Rogers for the sum of six hundred grand because the affair being revealed ultimately caused her to lose her job.

“It was a mistake,” she said of the affair. “But I didn’t deserve to lose my life over it.”

Sure thing darling. It can’t possibly be your fault. After all, it’s clearly Rogers’ fault that you stopped being a productive employee. Clearly.

Robot love

Japan was once an empire, then we nuked them and they became our allies. They went through an industrial revolution and subsequently went nutso. (There! Now you don’t have to read that history of Japan.) This is especially true when it comes to love.

First, a man was allowed to marry a cartoon character. Now, a couple (who physically exist in real life) were married by a robot. The happy couple agreed to a ceremony officiated by an I-Fairy, which is not, in fact, a Pokemon. It’s actually a robot that apparently is also a justice of the peace.

We are only steps away from having robots that we can have divorce us. Progress!