Day: June 4, 2010

You Missed It: Curse of fame edition

I’m just not as excited about the weekend this time around, everyone. Sure, it’s that un-official summer summertime and everything, but last weekend was a long weekend. In comparison, this is just a regular weekend, and studies have shown you and I will do 33% less grilling and drinking because we have to work again on Monday. Somewhere, I’ll find the motivation to write this. Blowing a call, odds are you missed it.

Analogies of the downtrodden starlets
Kristin Stewart, who apparently stars in some little-known movie series about vampires, apologized this week for comparing the paparazzi hounding her to a woman being raped. The young actress said it was an “enormous mistake” to make such a comparison of fame to a brutal and criminal act, then added that it was more like being in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide.

Mmmmm, doughnut
Today is National Doughnut Day! Did you know how iconic the doughnut is? How crucial it is to the American cuisine landscape? Me neither. This holiday was probably the work of all those doughnut manufacturer special interest groups–the same people who brought you the “doughnut hole” in Medicare Part D prescription coverage. AMIRIGHT?!

Yoo dohnt get how to spel korrectlee
I don’t need to tell you that this is a huge week for the finals. Everyone sits breathless as these fierce competitors take the stage and show us what true dedication and drive is all about. I am speaking, of course, about the Scripps National Spelling Bee finals, which take place in Washington, D.C. tonight. One group that isn’t so pleased about the bee are protesters outside the Grand Hyatt Washington, the site of the competition. They are protesting, and I am not kidding here, that words should be spelled phonetically (as they sound) and not the complicated ways they are actually spelled. This, friends, is what life in D.C. really feels like.

To B-cup, or not to B-cup

Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, is facing a moral crisis: exposed breasts!

Police refuse to arrest the flashers for the same reason The Guys refuse to tip strippers in Alabama: no vaginas.

The breasts in question belong to transgender women who have breast implants, but also have their natural-born tallywhackers. According to Rehoboth nudity statutes:

“A male is guilty of indecent exposure if he exposes his genitals or buttocks under circumstances which he knows his conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm to another person.”

It’s possible that it is indeed nudity because, boy, do we have questions:

  1. According to Rehoboth law, is it nudity if the man’s genitals or butt are non-alarming and politely maintained?
  2. Gender aside, do the breasts count as nudity if they’re fake?

Our heroes are criminals

We have some bad news for you, folks. Superheroes, once thought to be instruments of good in a world on a speedy moral decline, are actually bad. First, we find out that Captain America was arrested after putting a burrito in his pants and drunkenly harassing a woman, now the Los Angeles Police Department is rounding up superheroes.

Famous names like Spider-man, Batman and Michael Jackson are getting arrested for “unlicensed” portrayal of their characters in Hollywood. The official story is that these are street actors who stand outside places like Grauman’s Chinese Theater posing with tourists, but we know they are real. Now they’re in handcuffs, as if those can hold them.

This angers the guy who plays the Hulk, which actually works out well for him.

I’ll have the Big ‘N Tasty

Here’s a shocker, ever thought you’d hear the words “gay friendly” and “France” in the same sentence? Yeah, about as surprising as the sky being blue. However, a recent McDonald’s commercial in France is stirring up a bit of controversy after the commercial has a casual fast food lunch actually turn out to be a father’s acceptance of his son’s sexual preference.

We wish we could make this stuff up.