MasterChugs Theater: ‘Slither’

An alien meteorite falls upon a small town and infects a man who can’t seem to showcase his love for his wife. The man slowly, but most assuredly, begins to turn into something that cannot be described other than to say a “really horrible monster but totally awesome effects”, and slowly infects other townspeople who all turn on the mayor, sheriff and others, who are attempting to escape and kill the lead infected. Got all that? Great, now sit back and enjoy the show!

If you’ve seen or heard anything for Slither, directed by James Gunn, any pictures from some of its gross-out moments, you pretty much have a solid idea of what it’s all about: fun, horror and really gross stuff. If you enjoy those elements, as well as homages to cool horror flicks of the past, the typical 50s “small town” set-up, mixed in with some memorable dialog (with the best clearly being unprintable) and enjoy the acting stylings of Nathan Fillion, the great Michael Rooker and Gregg Henry, this film is sure to twinkle your horror toes, particularly if mutating monsters, slugs, zombies and really disgusting scenarios are your bag o’ chips. The film starts off with your typical small town set-up, establishing all of the characters slowly, but surely, and teasing us with some effects as the “alien” being lands in a field outside of town; however, once the extra-terrestrial being infects Rooker’s character, the fun really begins as he mutates and the fit hits the shan.

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There are nicer ways to tip

Steve Wilson, who makes his living by picking up other people’s dog poop, stuck pay turd recently.

While cleaning up after some lazy pet owner’s mutt, he found $58 packed in pure, American dog s#@t. He cleaned up the bills, put them in a (presumably) clean plastic bag and returned them to the customer.

We’d like to remind our readers that Mr. Wilson is a professional. If you or someone you know finds a lost dog turd containing money, please deposit said stool at the nearest police precinct.

Scoop, scooby do-wop, yeah DUI

Chris Klein, best known for being sort of famous 10 years ago, was arrested early Wednesday morning on suspicion of drunken driving. We can only imagine the field sobriety test went something like this:

Officer: Excuse me sir, have you been drinking tonight?
Klein: Don’t drink the pale ale!
Officer: Would you mind coming outside the vehicle and try walking in a straight line?
Klein: To the next step!
Officer: Son, I’m gonna need you to please come with me.
Klein: Someone cares about me! It’s either 1999 or 2001, thank you lord!

You know what they say about a Bigfoot?

They’re probably a hairy trespasser.

Well, okay, that’s probably more what you say if Tim Peeler of North Carolina. According to Peeler, he heard grunting and screeching sounds from outside his house. This presumably alarmed him since he was not a part of said noises. What did he discover?

“The thing was 10 feet tall with beautiful hair, yellowish hair, and a yellow beard,” the mountain man recalled.

Logically, this can mean a few things: Peeler has a strong taste for the shine of the moon, Bigfoot has been getting kissed by the sun more than anyone ever expected or he stumbled across Thor. Probably not the Thor of legend, but more the Thor of Marvel comics. We can only hope that the lightning was not called down upon Peeler.

Close call for the royal family

There’s been a lot of anti-English sentiment as of late (and rightly so), but it’s times like this we remember they are our wartime allies.

Princes William and Harry were in Botswana for some reason, and again, for some reason, were holding an 8-foot African rock python which wrapped around them and attempted to pee on the royalty, which is pretty much like peeing on the Union Jack. Luckily, the two princes escaped unharmed.

What was their security detail thinking?