Day: June 22, 2010

Eat My Sports: Queensbridge!

I hated Ron Artest.

Plain and simple, five and a half years ago after what happened in Detroit, there was not a single athlete outside of anyone in a Yankees uniform that I could loathe more. He was a selfish, waste of talent headcase that deserved nothing more than to be stripped of all the money he had been given and allocated to a cardboard box.

Five years ago I felt that way, four years ago I felt that way, hell, even two weeks ago I felt that way. Then, in the mother of all abominations, the Celtics blew a game they controlled and let the Los Angeles Lakers claim the 2010 NBA title. I hate him during the fourth quarter, I hated him when the buzzer sounded. Then, redemption. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Queensbridge!

‘Aloha, mahalo for all the fish’

There are many foes to humanity in the War on Animals. Some are more obvious than others. While the hedgehog has quills that disperse the most virulent strain of AIDS in nature (citation pending), people still think they make cute pets.

But, there’s no question when it comes to sharks. It should go without saying that sharks are one of man’s oldest enemies. Why, if you open their stomachs, you’ll find SCUBA tanks inside. That’s right: they don’t even bother to outright eat humans, just take our air and leave us to drown.

So, why does Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle love sharks?

Teen’s plans for mischief end all awash

I have big news for all of you. I hope you’re sitting down, as this might surprise you. Ready? Okay.

People are apparently still using water balloons. Who would’ve guessed, right?

A Bloomington, Indiana mother and her baby apparently didn’t, and that lack of knowledge led to them being clobbered – clobbered, ah say – with one via a moving vehicle. Such mischief!

But don’t worry, as there is a happy ending. A man walking with the pair ran after the vehicle and removed the keys when it had to stop for a red light. That’s hardcore. Bryan Ogden is being charged with the misdemeanor.

Why, you might even say that he ended up … all washed up.

Yet another team kept at bay by wildlife

Admittedly, we’re discussing the World Cup far more than we anticipated, because the football that we know and love is played with your hands, but just because America yawns at the tournament doesn’t mean that the animals don’t see the high-value target that is an international event such as this.

The Germans have not been able to go outside their hotel room except to go play or practice. They have been holed up for weeks now, but they are just now being allowed to go into town, where it is safe. Why can’t they just walk around the hotel grounds? Big friggin’ iguanas. That’s why.

“Normally nothing should happen walking there but if you go too close to the river then the iguanas, and they are quite big, can swing their tails and have been known to break several bones. Luckily nothing of that sort has happened yet,” said German team Manager Oliver Bierhoff, which sounds like a name you laughed at in middle school.