Day: June 23, 2010

Take it from Snee: I don’t want to know

San Francisco, the gay gene in the DNA of America, now requires cell phone sellers to post radiation levels on the phones on display.

On the one hand, I’m confused. Didn’t they already do that with the whole “3G” and “4G” bit, a “G” meaning “gigawatt” in Doc Brownian physics?

But, I’m also angry.

Well, I’m always a little angry. But this time, I know why I’m angry instead of waking up behind the Claire’s dumpster with blood on my hands again.

I’m angry because I don’t want to know how much radiation I’m receiving from my phone. In fact, there are a lot of things I don’t want to know. What I don’t want to know could fill a volume of books that I will never read. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I don’t want to know

Top that, SeriouslyReaders!

The next time you play “Truth or Dare,” know that there is no way kissing another dude or wearing a diaper through the drive-thru will ever top this.

A naked woman stole a car at 5 am from a guy posting business signs on the side of the highway. Because turnaround is fair play, that guy stole her car.

The guy and the police chased her until she crashed his car into a gate. The police pursued her on foot, but couldn’t grab her because she was too slippery from sweat and blood. She literally slipped through their fingers and stole a cop car.

She crashed that car into a highway berm and sustained flight for 50 feet.

She then ran on foot again, and scaled a barb wire fence before the cops finally tazed her. (And here we thought they pulled those out at the drop of a candy wrapper.)

In other “Truth or Dare” news:
Monaco’s royal family has named at least two princes Albert.

So many disappointed kids, so little time

Colin Goodwin drove a company Impala, but had to turn it in. Wouldn’t you know it though, the car was vandalized right before he could do so! The company’s response? Turn it into an ice cream mobile. Oh, and give it back to Goodwin.

As such, the man is now responsible for company morale, doling out frozen treats to his employees from the back seat. Oh, but not all is wonderful in his world. The constant playing of “It’s a Small World After All” grates more and more on the man.

“I pretty much just listen to news radio as loud as I can inside the car because I’m so tired of ‘It’s A Small World After All,'” Goodwin said.

This can result in only one of two situations: the constant playing of the tune drives Goodwin mad, eventually sending him onto a child slaying tear OR an ice cream mobile that never stops for them constantly disappoints legions of children. Either way, I’m okay with the outcome.

This time it’s American against American

Henry Morgan was based out of Jamaica during most of his career. He spent his time as a privateer–not a pirate–raiding Spanish towns. Today, his rum dwells in Puerto Rico, but he might be moving to the U.S. Virgin Islands if they have their way.

The two territories are in something of a spat, after St. Croix is offering Captain Morgan a sweetheart deal to move its operations, as well as its jobs, to the biggest of America’s Virgin Islands. This would mean taking jobs away from Puerto Rico, and locals are not happy about that.

Isn’t it cute when two little islands under our rule get in an argument? It’s like they’re going to break out the cap guns at any minute.