Day: June 29, 2010

Eat My Sports: Upon further review

If any of you have been paying attention to trends in sports this summer, you’d notice a) a bunch of fair weather soccer fans, and b) there is a dire need for instant replay in every sport.

But Bryan, what about the human element? Look, if you want that mamby-pamby human element side of things, get a shrink. As for me, I want my calls right, and if these idiot officials can’t get a call right, with our technology, we owe it to everyone to make sure these calls are right. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Upon further review

Today’s attire: ‘protest casual’

Demonstrating precisely why they get paid half as much as their defense and intelligence counterparts, Israeli foreign ministry workers are protesting their low wages by dressing down in the work place.

Calling it “a strike,” the diplomatic employees have refused to wear a suit and tie to work. However, they still show up to work and perform work duties, only in jeans and flip-flops.*

The dispute has lasted six months now, but we only just noticed because Israel rarely engages in diplomacy nowadays.

*Fun Fact:
In some regions, flip-flops are called sandals, tongs, slippers or Buffett low-kickers.

Bored? Why wait?

“There was nothing else to do.”

That was the actual defense used by Paul Nigel Sneddon of New Zealand. Why exactly was it used as a defense? Because Sneddon plead guilty to drunk driving when officers arrived at the scene, which I’ll now paint for you: Sneddon in his Ford Laser, flipped over, casually drinking another beer.

Talk about a man who utilizes what he has on hand. If he was on the set of The Towering Inferno, he might use the residual flames to light his cigarette. If he was in the Superdome in August of 2005, he might decide to go for a swim. And if he were trapped in an avalanche, Sneddon might very well decide to go for a sno-cone.

Most of them are for driving on the wrong side of the road

As the tensions mount between England and the United States for no apparent reason, since both countries are out of the World Cup, America’s embassy is the worst offender among foreign missions when it comes to paying traffic fines.

Apparently, our boys owe about $5.75 million. You know why we don’t pay it? Because it’s an unjust tax!