It’s been at least eight years since schools taught comprehensive sex education.
Eight years. A lot changes in eight years, especially when it comes to sex. Sure, the basic act of f@#king-to-miss (that’s what I call sex without the purpose of insemination) hasn’t changed much.
But, let’s not forget: those are eight Internet years.
You think our schools are ready to answer questions about Dutch rudders or Brazilian fart porn? Continue reading Take it from Snee: Updating Sex Ed
There are some headlines that write themselves, but then there are others that are transparently intentional.
Case in point:
Look at that Facebook “likes” count. There’s no way nearly 5,000 people care about track and field.
So, while we congratulate Reuters on a headline superbly–though obviously–crafted to generate the most casual hits, we’re forced to ask if it was worth the dignity of your entire wire service.
(Special thanks to Anthony S.)
On Sunday, a family from Victoria in Australia’s southeast was involved in a car crash, when the driver rolled a Nissan Pulsar trying to avoid a kangaroo. Had they been celebrating the United States’ birthday, that might not have been an issue. Because we have a severe lack of kangaroos, that is.
There were five people in the car, three children, their mother and her partner, and after the crash, the mother became trapped in the wreckage. Staying calm, one of the children, seven year-old Christopher grabbed his Nintendo DS, and with the screens acting as a light, as the crash occurred at 10 pm, was able to locate his mother’s mobile phone so she could call emergency services for assistance.
Christopher then helped one of his little brothers out of the crash before his mother was able to free herself. For his actions, he’s been nominated by the local ambulance service for a Community Hero Award. Which is nice. But yet again, had they been celebrating my nation’s birthday and been blowing up a chunk of their land instead, it wouldn’t be an issue. Still, they can make up for it by blowing up a kangaroo instead. Purely for the scientific purpose of revenge, after all.
In Hollywood’s most shocking news since we Ricky Martin announced that he was gay, Lindsay Lohan is being sentenced to a 90-day jail term for violating her parole.
Upon hearing the verdict, Lohan burst into tears, sweet, sweet vodka and Red Bull tears.
As if it isn’t bad enough having their princes throw out the first pitch at our baseball games, Queen Elizabeth herself came to the U.S.
For the first time in 35 years, the queen visited New York City, but luckily, she left in a New York minute. She visited Ground Zero and went the United Nations. The queen, 136, made the short trip at the end of her nine-day tour of Canada.
Apparently, she still thinks we’re a colony. Perhaps she should have dropped by on the Fourth to celebrate properly with us.
