MasterChugs Theater: ‘Mystery Team’

Movies from sketch comedy groups can be dicey propositions. The formats aren’t really conducive to each other. Sketch comedy can be hilarious one moment, then the next moment it’s crickets chirping. If the group is good, they can move on quickly and forget about things. But movies are a whole other monster to tame. what could sustain three to five minutes can be awkward in this new format. Some groups can pull it off, and you get great films like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Brain Candy and Super Troopers. Mess it up, and you’re stuck with Miss March.

And there’s not a lot on this earth that’s worse, cinematically speaking, than Miss March.

Now we have Derrick Comedy, an internet sensation full of gentlemen whose names all begin with a “D,” though curiously, none named Derrick. Whether you find this clever or stupid will help determine whether or not you will enjoy Mystery Team. Going by this scale, however, it pleases me to no end that Mystery Team is a rather clever and hysterically funny movie with its heart in the right place that potentially puts the Derrick boys at least on track with the Broken Lizard fellas. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Mystery Team’

Why do we float to the surface?

Answer: to swim back down again.

There have been many casualties in the BP Gulf oil spill, which is not to be confused with the Gulf Shell spill, when Gulf spilled shells all over Sally on the seashore.

Business like hotels and restaurants are all but shut down. Other oil rigs that managed not to explode are silent. People who wished for Jimmy Buffett to go away have to see him on the news every night.

But, one fish lost his parents. And now we have–DUN-NUH NUH-NUH NUH-NUH NUH-NUH

Batfiiiiiiiiish! Baaaaatfiiiiiiish! Batfiiiiiiiiish!

You get what you paid for

Virgin? Extra virgin? Or something else entirely? You never know what you’re really getting when you open a bottle of “100% extra virgin” olive oil, but the U.S. Department of Agriculture is hoping to change that with new standards for the green-gold oil set to roll out this fall.

The new rules come at a time when olive oil demand is surging. Americans bought 79 million gallons in 2008, up from 47 million gallons a decade earlier, the paper reported.

There are no federal rules that define “virgin” or “extra virgin” olive oil, Vito S. Polito, professor of plant sciences at UC Davis and co-chairman of the school’s Olive Center, a research group. As a result, he said, “the U.S. has been a dumping ground for cheap olive oil for years.”

Bob Bauer, president of the North American Olive Oil Assn., said most of the olive oil on U.S. store shelves is legit, but his group alerts the FDA when problems occur.

“We’ve petitioned the FDA to create a standard of identity, which would define in black and white what olive oil is and is not,” said Bauer. “They never acted on the petition.”

Curiosity: if you get a cheap knockoff of extra virgin olive oil, does it still retain that extra virgin title? Or does it become olive oil of the night?

NASA launches decoy

Still think that NASA’s mission is to explore space? Get with the times, old man. Did you hear that on your transistor radio or something? The National Aeronautics and Space Administration’s job is to reach out to Muslims.

At least that’s what NASA Administrator Charles Bolden told al-Jazeera in a recent interview. He said President Barack Obama told him his job was to inspire children’s interest in science and math, to firm up international relations and to, of course, reach out to Muslim nations.

This is a master stroke. What better way to misdirect the terrorists by reaching them through their favorite television channel and telling them we just want to be friends? They’ll never suspect that we’re working on a space laser satellite to wipe out their training camps.

Hippy gets lucky

The controversy over whaling practices are a big deal in Japan, and around the world. But one New Zealand protester took things to the extreme, and now he’ll be serving jail time for it-but not enough of it. Peter Bethune, 45, was accused of trespassing, forcible obstruction of business, assault, property destruction, and violating the firearms and swords control law.

Bethune pleaded guilty to four out of five charges, with the exception of the assault charge, as he claimed it was never his intent to hurt anyone. Bethune allegedly worked with members of the Sea Shepard Conservation Society, and launched a bottle of butyric acid onto the deck of the Shonan Maru No.2, the security escort ship for the fleet, on February 11. On February 15, Bethune cut the ship’s net with a knife and boarded the Shonan Maru No.2.

Apparently, due to admitting his guilt in most of the charges and expressing “deep regret” for his actions, Bethune’s prison sentence was suspended from five years down to two. That’s essentially a slap on the wrist and weird math.

I’m all for protesting for most things that make sense, but once you get to the point where you’re launching acid, and boarding ships with knives, then yeah, you probably deserve to go to jail. Or become a pirate. Whichever comes first.