The always stable Hulk franchise with Marvel has decided to go in a different direction by not bringing back Ed Norton in the upcoming 2012 Avengers movie. Because, you know, Marvel has done some bang-up jobs with Ben Affleck as well as the Elektra movie, so we’re sure this will end up well.
Day: July 12, 2010
The spice must flow
Hey, gang! Do you like marijuana, but find yourself getting bored with its mild high, lack of addictive chemicals, outlaw mystique and relative safety?
Then have we got good news for you! Synthetic Pot is not necessarily Swedish lipstick lesbians, but it will kick your ass and hand it to your local coroner.
Also known as “spice,” “K2” or “Unicorn Alfalfa” (OK, we made that last one up), it:
- Is completely legal (in 44 states)
- Will poison you, which wouldn’t be a big deal because …
- Gets you so high that Stephen Wright sees Jesus by proxy. (This would also make it difficult the dial the communication octopus to speak to the Poison Control Center.)
- Requires rehab! And rehab’s the easiest way to rub genitals with a Lohan!
Spice! Look for it in your mom’s favorite New Agey incense store today! So awesome!
Chicken flavored ketchup?
Or perhaps it’s soylent green flavor?
Six factory workers drowned in a vat of ketchup. It’s a sticky situation that would have never happened if someone hadn’t been extra thick about safety regulations. And I imagine they’re not going to be able to shake a drop out of the company in the ensuing lawsuits.
This is the price the world pays, America, for that last little bit stuck in the bottom of the bottle you throw away instead of cutting open the bottle and digging it out with a spatula.