Day: July 20, 2010

Eat My Sports: End of an error

Please forgive me for making all of my golf articles about Tiger Woods, but let’s face it, a talent like that with a hunger for porn stars, crashed vehicles and poorly executed Nike marketing campaigns, let’s just say he’s a lightning rod for attention.

Two years ago we were 12 years into the Woods love affair bonanza. His miracle comeback with a torn ACL epitomized everything we loved about sports, and truly our most unblemished athlete. Since then, Woods has hit a path that I don’t think anyone believes he can come back from.

Whatever Tiger had up until the summer of 2008, that edge is gone. Whether it was the thrill of hitting the fairway with a NYC hostess, or his unconventional golf course demeanor that had him cursing at blades of grass, Woods had something that separated himself. Continue reading Eat My Sports: End of an error

Titis under man’s clothes in airport!

Reader, do you:

  • Hate animals?
  • Fear illegal Latino immigrants?
  • Find words that sound like “titties” hilarious and verrrrry arousing?

Then get the monitor swabs ready, because you’re about to shoot your SeriouslyLoad!

A man was arrested trying to smuggle 18 illegal Peruvian titi monkeys into the Mexico City Airport. Hm, a human smuggling contraband in his clothes in Mexico. We wonder where they were headed next. (By “wonder,” we mean “know exactly.”)

As fun as it is to snort coke off of titis, especially off those belonging to strippers, you are abetting a horrible trade and aiding the enemy in the War on Animals.

Who would’ve thought heat was hot?

Imagine this, if you will: you live in Arizona. In July. As such, it tends to be very warm, to say the least, and more along the lines of pretty hot. As such, one would expect to take precautions if you’re leaving the house.

Not if you’re James Wankel. He’s a man, he won’t take any guff from the weather and he needs to see that mailman now. Of course, James is also 78 years old. This means that he’ll probably need to put some extra protection on if he’s going outside, just in case.

Except, he really needs to see that mailman now. Well James, don’t be surprised that you get second degree burns if step on a hot Arizona street in the middle of July. Just an FYI.

The dead need to keep the lights on like everyone else

It’s been a while since we heard from the undead. Perhaps they don’t like the heat, or perhaps all this talk of vampires and werewolves has overshadowed the threat they pose.

Let’s go to Vienna, Austria, where the scourge has returned. A woman Christine died, just ask the power company, but she refused to stay that way. This zombie was so brazen, she even faxed and emailed the utility claiming that she was not the one who died.

Sadly, the company turned the power back on. I guess they think zombie money is as good as anyone else’s.