Eat My Sports: The no T.O. show

If you are one of the fortunate people to never have seen Terrell Owens on your favorite team’s NFL roster, you are of a lucky breed. Owens’ career path has taken him from San Francisco, Philadelphia, Dallas, Buffalo and VH1, but never to a Super Bowl title or any amount of respectability. In short, Owens’ diva act has led almost all NFL teams to not even consider taking on him and his baggage at this point. Continue reading Eat My Sports: The no T.O. show

Hide your porn stars and waitresses!

This is a breaking emergency bulletin for all of our readers in South Africa!

*** Tiger on the loose in South African neighborhood! ***

Residents of the Delmas district of South Africa, 40 miles east of Johannesburg, have spotted a Tiger on the loose.

Although Tiger has been raised by humans his entire life and is considered tame, he should not be approached. Blondes–especially those with fake breasts–should be kept indoors and away from windows until Tiger is safely back in his truck.

Do not attempt to offer Tiger any corporate sponsorships as you’ll end up spending more on bizarre apology ads later.

SeriouslyGuys will update with further bulletins until we can confirm that this potential PR crisis is over.

Japan-land of the rising temperature

You think it’s hot here in the good ol’ US of A, especially in the northeast? Then don’t move to Japan. It’s really hot there, among all its usually quirky weird people oddities.

Sunday, twenty-two people died and fourteen were injured in water and mountain related activities, as people were trying to beat the heat with some fun. Some of those deaths include people suffering from heat stroke. Man, the land of the rising sun really loves killing old people. Three people in Saitama, and one each in Chiba, Nara, Hyogo prefectures died of heat stroke, or what authorities believed to be so. Apparently, that’s what happens when the mercury rises above 35C (95F) in a vast area of the country (which is still slightly cooler than my neck of the woods)

Fourteen people died in water related accidents, and among those injured, six were in water related accidents, and eight were involved in mountain accidents, including one 39-year-old man who was mauled by a bear in Yamanashi prefecture.

My advice to you people of Japan is this: shun that evil master, the sun, and stay inside. Avoid personal contact among people outside of your residence. It may be the only way to survive.

They want our tax dollars–and our brains

Our federal government is grossly inefficient and wastes immeasurable amounts of money every year. Even so, it shocked this blog that our hard-earned tax dollars are going toward the undead.

That’s right, the feds are sending checks to zombies. Well, they were anyway. President Barack Obama signed a bill recently that will cut improper Medicare payments and health benefits. Billions in Medicare checks had been sent to zombies, for all we know, they were using it to drain our government’s resources for their upcoming assault on society.

And if you’re wondering, zombie bites are no longer covered under Medicare.