Day: July 30, 2010

You Missed It: Bid on his weight edition

Really, you should look at this as your last update on major news stories for not just this week, but next week, too, because The Guys are off next week. Fear not, because we will be back with freshness on Aug. 9. So that means until then you’ll have to entertain yourself in some other way, like going outside. If you were busy walking away from American Idol, odds are you missed it.

He could still eat Bob Barker
Drew Carey turned heads during a recent appearance when less of him appeared than expected. The fat funny man dropped 70 to 80 lbs., depending on who you talk to. Apparently he cut out carbs, has been working out and taking appetite suppressants. Will he still be funny as a skinny guy? Depends, did you think he was funny in the first place?

In other news, Al Gore will not face sexual assault charges
Rep. Charles Rangel, D-N.Y., had 13 charges brought against him by the U.S. House Ethics Committee in relation to fund raising for a college public policy center, failing to file his taxes, and other allegations. The National Men with Slicked-Back Hair Association (NMSBHA) released a statement condemning Rangel, saying that he and pretty much ever movie villain ever give men with slicked-back hair a bad name.

At least it’s not an iPad
Amazon.com reporter this week that it is selling 80% more digital books than hardcover books, which means that people are into the idea of buying a large device and then paying for digital copies of books on top of that, rather than just buying a regular old book. The one drawback: your friends are no longer as impressed with the collection on your bookshelf.

The end of The End of History

It only took a week, and the reign of The End of History is over.

As we reported last week, the world’s strongest beer had been brewed, mounted in dead animals and sold out in mere hours last week. It broke the 100-proof barrier for beer, clocking in at an astounding 55 percent alcohol.

In a direct response, a Dutch brewer–‘t Koelschip (The Refrigerated Ship)–has pushed the envelope to 60 percent with Start the Future.

Someone somewhere (probably monks in Belgium) is bidding their time, waiting to unleash an 80 percent sipping beer called Future’s History.

And we don’t want to even think about what they’re cooking up in CERN.

Old, female and Japanese

These are apparently the key traits to living a long life. It’s been recently reported that Japanese women had the longest life expectancy in the world for the 25th straight year in 2009, with an average life span of 86.44 years. That’s a lot of years! Japanese men, being no slouches themselves, saw their average life expectancy register a record high with 79.59 years.

Average lifespans increased from 2008 by 0.39 year for Japanese women and 0.30 year for Japanese men. So what is their secret? Less air pollution? Healthier routine of constant anime watching while consuming large amounts of organic ramen noodles? Not even close. Turns out the medical advancements in Japan are just a wee bit more efficient than in the United States. It seems that while the U.S. puts their focus on TV doctors who pop Vicodin and have snarky sarcastic comebacks, Japan has improved treatment of the three major causes of death among Japanese (cancer, cardiac disorders and strokes) well as pneumonia.

Unless an influenza epidemic breaks out, expect for Japanese people to continue living longer each year. We can only hope that Doctor Cox would be behind such a brilliant plan.

We love you because you drink

If you drink, you’re sexy. It’s as simple as that, really.

What? You want more out of a post that me trying to hit on you? OK. Let me tell you why you are so attractive in general. You have a great vocabulary. Just listening to you slur all those complicated words gives us the tinge of excitement.

And, of course, you are great in bed, thanks to your cheese-laced beer. Oh, you didn’t know? Apparently, the Austrians found that having cheese in your beer (?) helps you perform in the bedroom. That means it’s time to drink up.