Day: August 30, 2010

The McBournie Minute: Let the fantasy begin

It’s the end of August, and you know what that means, no not back to school. Sure, it means that, but that’s not the angle I’m going for, here. It means it’s time for football! This is excellent news, because the Boston Red Sox are now pretty much out of the playoff race, and the Roger Clemens perjury case is not moving that swiftly.

I don’t care so much about college football, really, I don’t care all that much about the NFL, but fantasy football is more my game. Last year, I was in two leagues, and won one of them. Sadly, there was no money involved, so really, I just won for personal best. However, I am in a league with several of my friends, and let me tell you, the stakes are high. It’s another league without buy-ins.

We have our draft coming up, and while you may have already had your draft, it’s time for ours later this week. In case you haven’t had your draft yet, I will lend you my insight and hope that my opponents don’t read this. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Let the fantasy begin

To long life!

If you ever pulled a muscle from excessive birthday toasting, then it will come as no surprise to you that drinkers outlive non-drinkers.

Why? Nobody knows. The raw data just indicates that teetotalers tend to die sooner than heavy drinkers, while moderate drinkers will inherit the best seats in the bar when they’re both gone.

Our personal theory? Drunken stasis.

Just like in the movie Alien, drunkards enter a deliberate low-metabolic state–or black-out. When one emerges from the blackout, they find themselves several hours, days or even years into future, though the trip passed in an instant for them.

The world of the future is frightening, bright and loud. It may take several hours to recover from their time jump, know as a hangover. That time is best spent rehydrating with Gatorade and learning what history you missed while out.

The only danger is of staying in stasis too long and awaking in a world populated by damn dirty apes! And no more Jameson’s.

Has America lost its manliness?

The United States is typically known as a country that is not afraid to whip it out and compare with any other country, but its men might be less manly than they used to be. For example, a recent study found that one in four men–a quarter of the adult dude population–take a stuffed animal with them on a trip.

This basically means that if you head out on a business trip with four of your male coworkers, odds are that one of them will be sleeping with a teddy bear that night. This information is shocking, and it certainly does not help our standing with the rest of the world. The Russians, who have Vladimir Putin and his whale hunting to look up to as an example of machismo, may get this news and see it as a sign of weakness. Before long, they’ll be ready to start up the Cold War again.

Men: Leave the stuffed animals at home, unless you want the Russians to nuke us.