Day: September 1, 2010

Take it from Snee: Tits

If you love boobs, then  you’re gonna love this week’s TifS, because, brother, I’m delivering the goods.

And, by “goods,” I mean solid advice about the early detection and treatment of breast cancer.

What? What’s the matter? Why do you look so disappointed?

Was it the title of the column and 140 character first sentence synopsis that you found on Twitter? My gratuitous use of the words “tits” and “boobs” when I’m clearly talking about plain old breasts? Diseased breasts at that?

Then you now understand why I don’t care much for “Save the Tatas” or “I <3 Boobies” breast cancer awareness campaigns: they’re in poor taste. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Tits

Flowers: serious business.

Are you in love? Does he or she know? Well, whatever you do about it, for the love of God, don’t buy them flowers.

Flowers, or plant genitals, have long been part of human custom: weddings, birthdays, apologies and funerals. And funerals is just what posies have in mind when they spontaneously combust (i.e., terror explode) and cause $20,000 worth of damage to an Arkansas home.

The whole incident could have been avoided had the Duncans re-potted or even just watered their plant, but the United States does not negotiate with amaranths.

LOL, D3FENCE RESTS

Facebook and the legal system: they’re like oil and water, as the two combined just don’t mix. I know that. You know that. That hobo sitting with a jar full of bum wine knows that.

So why didn’t anyone tell Hadley Jons that?

Jons, a Michigan juror for a resisting arrest trial, decided that her mind was made up regarding the verdict. Unfortunately, the prosecution hadn’t quite finished its case yet. Double unfortunately, she decided to let her Facebook friends (and thereby, everyone on the internet) know exactly what her verdict was. That’s not what we call a smart decision.

The defense attorney subsequently let the judge know about this once the information was revealed. Jons was removed from the case and could potentially face some time in a jail cell (if the defense attorney has anything to say about it). While it’s probably increasingly difficult in this day and age to find an unbiased jury due to how plugged in everyone is, you’re kind of supposed to take the whole justice thing a bit seriously in the first place.

They’ll find a way to blame Lincoln for this

Even though it’s been 145 years gone, for the South some people, the Civil War isn’t over. It’s not over in Georgia not because people still aren’t willing to move past a cotton-based economy, it is the ammunition that keeps it alive.

Some cannonballs from the Civil War caused an entire building at Kennesaw State University to be shut down because they were a possible threat to anyone around them. The cannonballs had been sitting there for three years, and no one thought they might explode, until someone new spoke up.

However, it was determined that the irons and chains that slaves were transported were not a threat to public health not only because they were not explosive, but because there weren’t any in the Civil War exhibit.