Day: September 8, 2010

Take it from Snee: America steps it up

Some people out there would balk at a plan to burn a heap of Korans on September 11. Not I. I don’t know how to balk. I once thought I balked, but everyone agreed that it was nothing like a balk and I most likely mistook caulking for the act I intended.

The point is: desecrating the holy scripture of the guys we’re too afraid to put in regular prison isn’t just OK; it’s the greatest idea that anyone–much less a Floridian—could ever think up. (Seriously, did Terry Jones hire a consultant?)

It is high time that a small group of Americans act on behalf of all of us and stick it to some non-believers. Hit the jump, and let’s light this trashcan full of Good News. Continue reading Take it from Snee: America steps it up

The SG Guarantee

If you’ve ever used the Internet read the news today, then you might be having trouble trusting what you read online. At least 17 percent of respondents managed to not lie to an online survey long enough to admit that they lie about who they are online.

If you think that number is low, be aware that this survey was conducted by Norton, who has a hard time tracking down viruses, much less people who lie about:

  • Having a 9-inch wiener.
  • Their time as an Army Ranger.
  • The research behind their paranormal studies/religious expertise/conspiracy theory.
  • Totally not using a Mac right now.

The Guys just want to reassure you right now that we are who we say we are: Will Smith’s backup dancers. To be honest, though, we didn’t all dance for him at the same time.

Just call him MacHandicap

A lot of people say that our society that isn’t as intelligent as we were in past times. That’s an understandable statement. The constant use of abbreviations and acronyms, combined with a drastic drop in our collective ability to spell correctly, speaks volumes. Mind you, that’s not even including the fact that, with every generation, things get easier because we invent a new tool or process that can simplify a previously difficult task. Who needs to know how to fight off a bear when we can shoot them in their dumb bear nose from afar?

Ezekiel Rubottom is not one of those people. For that matter, he would like to give a big F and a big U to the naysayers.

Rubottom lost his leg to a bone disease and has worn a prosthetic for some time now; however, prosthetic legs aren’t made for an extended life. The man has decided that he doesn’t want to have to go through the rigmarole of government hassle and instead has decided to build his own prosthetic. And from the sounds of it, he’s got a good shot at doing so.

Hey, United States government, here’s a freebie from SG: If he’s able to build his own prosthetic leg, you’ll definitely want to keep him on the side of angels rather than the distinguished competition.

The aerial assault begins

We told you last week about how the Australians were getting ahead of us in creative ways to do away with our animal foes. It seems the Department of Agriculture heard our cries, because they just upped the stakes. (Yes, “upped” is a verb now.)

Battlefield: Guam. The USDA is stuffing dead mice with Tylenol and then dropping them out of helicopters. This isn’t to send a message to the local mouse population, instead, it’s to kill the deadly brown tree snake, which apparently can’t handle the painkillers.

Remember: buy war bonds, and keep ’em flying (and dropping mouse bombs)!