MasterChugs Theater: ‘Machete’

While political movies projecting a serious tone around themes like war tend to drive audiences away from US theaters faster than rumors of a bedbug invasion, when heavy subject matter is laced with light laughs it’s an entirely different story. So even though Machete is just about incendiary enough to incite an all out border war around the current hot topic of immigration, spicing up the proceedings with devilish humor keeps the feverish temperature moderated more at playful than provocative levels.

Troublemaker Studio’s bay boy director Robert Rodriguez, who last shook up movie screens with Grindhouse and Sin City, returns with a vengeance with the bullet riddled, stylishly defiant slice ’em up action satire, Machete. Get even bilingual guerrilla warfare meets guerrilla filmmaking, as wickedly dark screen insanity fuels US north of the border revolutionary beatdown. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Machete’

No pope for atheists!

If you thought the Pope was like the Dalai Lama where he loves everyone, think again! The Pope loves only two kinds of people: Catholics and Catholics that can keep a secret.

During his visit to the United Kingdom, Pope Benedict XVI gave a speech at Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh in which he warned the Queen about how “atheist extremism” leads to “a reductive vision of a person and his destiny” and, ultimately, Nazis.

Yes, the Pope Godwin’d his argument against atheism.

Atheists, of course, are outraged that the perceived voice of a God that does not exist would say such things about them. Oh well.

Number 11: Thou Shall Not Need To Add Whipped Cream

Marketers exist in a fast-paced world. Their lives usually consist of inventing amazing campaigns that will stay in a person’s mind; but more often than not, said campaigns linger around for no more than around two months at most. That’s just craziness.

Of course, if you’re the Antonio Federici ice cream company, then your marketers are facing even more overwhelming odds. The UK’s Advertising Standards Authority has decided that Federici’s ad, involving what appears to be a pregnant nun eating the ice cream and a tag line stating “immaculately conceived,” is to be banned. The reasoning is that it might possibly offend Roman Catholics.

This is malarkey, and we’re not afraid to tell you the truth. The ASA didn’t ban it because of offense; it banned the ad because of pressure from a secret society that has their fingers in an untold number of sweet and indulgent conspiracies: the Fudgeluminati.

Now that I’ve revealed this truth, pray that I don’t wake up tomorrow as a chocolate-covered Chug.

Bring your gas cans!

You know what sucks about wine, other than the high prices, snooty people who drink it, stains on your teeth and headaches? You can’t pour your own bottle of it.

Well, that is to say you used to not be able to pour your own bottle of it. In France (of course), they now have machines in supermarkets where you can fill up a container with a tap much the way you would a glass of beer from a keg, and it measures how much you pour like a gas pump. These machines could be hitting stores in the U.S. of A. in a year.

Be the first on your block to do a wine stand!