Day: September 22, 2010

Take it from Snee: By military orders

Good evening, sir or ma’am. I can’t go into too much detail, but I’ve been recalled into that manliest of all branches, the United States Navy. This isn’t a combat tour, though. Like the 50,000 troops still stationed in Iraq, I’ve been reassigned to a desk job where the desk is outside and equipped with a .50-cal.

That’s right: my normal column will remain, but will be sponsored by the U.S. Department of Defense. It will not in any way be censored or forced to toe a rigidly-enforced moral/legal code.

With that in mind, I hereby present this week’s topic: Why U.S. Laws and Policy Should be Set at the Whim of our Martial Betters. Continue reading Take it from Snee: By military orders

Prepare for the craziest year EVER, brosef

A little over a month ago, we covered how there has never been a crazier time to go to college, brah. Think about it: because of the economy, you can guilt your parents into paying for that fifth or sixth year to shelter you.

Well, dude, it’s back, major hardcore this time. Like, I’m not even joking. College is crazy as s*$% and now there is scientific proof. The pressures of college, like figuring out who can buy you beer, or how you can afford XBox live for another month, can really get to anyone. And that’s why if you are bipolar, you have an even rougher time. I mean, how do you know if you’re bipolar, or if people just like you when you’re drunk?

But dude, I’m just a dude, alright? I can only do so much with my words. Here to describe just how hard college live can be, is the lead sentence of the article I just linked to:

The rituals of college — making new friends, studying until dawn, excessive partying — can stress out any young adult.

Good luck, you poor bastards.

By the madness of Denethor!

As this crazy war drags on, it’s only natural to wonder if we’re truly different from our animal foes. We both eat other animals, drink air, breathe water and inadvertently procreate when we just wanted to establish some dominance.

But, are they as nerdy as us?

Apparently moreso: 80 whales beached themselves on the coast of New Zealand, hoping to catch an early glimpse of the filming of The Hobbit.

Stupid whales. For animals that are supposed to be so intelligent, they could have at least found out from IMDB.com that it hasn’t even been cast yet.

Oh, don’t mind these scissors

A clearly lonely Japanese man was arrested in Higashiyamacho, Saitama Prefecture on Sunday for cutting a woman’s pants while she slept on a train (thanks to the ads, link is Not Safe For Work). Perhaps our idea of him being a pervert was a bit hasty, as police interrogated him and got loads of information as to why he did it. According to police, Takahashi told station staff, “She was stretched out on the priority seat taking up all the space, so I got mad at her.”

The man is a 57 year old construction worker who apparently enjoys bringing scissors onto trains (nothing bad ever happens on Japanese trains). He thought he was in the clear until the victim realized her pants had been cut, and followed him off the train to report him to authorities.

Our Advice: Go to the newsstand if you get urges like these. It’ll be pretty clear the next steps that you’ll need to take.