The McBournie Minute: Truthiness, the ‘Street,’ and Segway

The news really has picked up all of a sudden. Just a few weeks ago it seemed like we were scrounging for ideas, now our news parody cups runneth over. At times like this, I can’t possibly spend an entire column drawing links to each and every one of these topics without sounding like a crazy person.

So instead, here’s a run-down.

Stephen Colbert was asked to testify before Congress last week, not because he is a suspected communist, but that he had some experience (one day) in manual labor commonly done by workers both legal and illegal. He of course testified before a Senate committee in character, which some have taken offense to. Congress, why not call me in to testify? I live nearby, I’m not in character, and I once had to work as a waiter. Besides, it would go really well with my ongoing series “Better Know a Congressional Committee.” Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Truthiness, the ‘Street,’ and Segway

TMI in today’s HotD

The BBC would like you to know that Ed Millibrand’s Balls support him 100 percent. (Normally, we wouldn’t capitalize “balls,” but it must be a British punctuation rule.)

Mr. Millibrand recently won the leader position in Britain’s Labour party. His balls apparently placed third, so they either took both the second and third positions, third and fourth or ran on a single ticket. The announcement by his balls will help ensure that they do not receive an undue amount of attention, allowing voters to focus on Millibrand’s message.

While we’re happy for Ed and his testicles (band name reserved), The Guys don’t really see what the big deal’s about. Our balls write half of our copy and pay our hosting fees with their day jobs.

Another blow

Getting Conan O’Brien back on the air after being stabbed in the back by NBC and Jay Leno has been no easy task. And now, when we finally get the guy who is obviously funnier than Leno back on, it’s gonna be a new look. Max Weinberg will no longer be leading O’Brien’s band and neither party is giving particular insight as to why.

No word yet from either camp on whether they will continue their relationship on the side.

Creepiness is ultimately genderless

Breaking News: An inflatable giant woman was seen over Japan, which, truthfully, sounds just like another day in Tokyo, right? They’re always getting taken over by things of monstrous proportions: Godzilla, Gamera and–if South Park taught us anything–cows and chickens.

Panasonic takes its camera promotion as really Serious Business because, not only did they have a spokesmodel for the their new Lumix FX700 camera on hand to advertise the new release, but they also turned said model, Ayase Haruka, into a giant inflatable balloon. Reportedly, spectators were both scared and confused by the balloon, and who wouldn’t be?

I lurve me the wumenz, but frankly, I’d be utterly terrified to stand beside it. And that’s not even taking into account it supremely dwarfing me.

…..though, let’s be honest, that’s not really all that difficult.

Guns and masks may work better

Remember the early-to-mid aughts, when every other movie that came out was about a bank robbery? We’re pretty sure at least one of them included drilling into a bank vault from above.

In Albania, two men tried to make the movie come to life, by drilling into a bank vault from their shop above. Unfortunately, it did not work out for them, something about hearing a massive drill overhead may have tipped off the bank that something was afoot.