You Missed It: Red tide edition

Remember the upwelling of enthusiasm and the youth vote two years ago? Well, let’s just say people under 45, our demographic and then some, decided they were a little to busy to get out there this time around. Who knows if that really had any impact on the election’s results, but I can tell you I was the only one of The Guys to vote. The other three are convicted felons. If you were busy tracking down bombs on planes, odds are you missed it.

Seeing red
To the surprise of no one but Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the Republicans gained control of the House of Representatives, and weakened the Democratic majority in the Senate. It’s like two years into the Clinton administration all over again. You know what that means: the chances of a sex scandal are getting better and better by the day! It won’t be with Christine O’Donnell, though.

XBox doesn’t like black people
Microsoft launched its motion sensor dohickey called “Kinect” this week. It hooks up to XBox 360s and enables you to play games by moving around, kind of like a Nintendo Wii. Rumors spread that the Kinect had trouble reading people with darker color skin. Consumer Reports said it found no evidence of this, but the white XBoxes did get nervous when the newer, black XBox 360s came to town.

Off the wagon, off the bus
David Cassidy made headlines this week when he was arrested in Florida on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol. He was apparently unsteady on his feet, and had a bottle of bourbon in the car with him. Really? This is making headlines now? Cassidy has about 18 more arrests until he catches up to Danny Bonaduce.

Future Friday!

Ladies and gentlemen, it took 10 years and careful pronunciation of this year, but it is finally here: the future, today.

Radioactive Mutant Animals!

After drinking water at a demolished nuclear weapons lab, a killer radioactive mutant rabbit went bonkers in Washington state! And what do radioactive rabbits do? They poop. Everywhere.

Officials are still tracking down the bunny’s highly dangerous fallout.

Jetpacks!

No, seriously: jetpacks. Jetpacks with Buzz Lightyear wings.

It may be a Swiss jetpack, but it’s a goddamn jetpack.

Boner Recall!

We’re not sure if there’s a porno based on Total Recall that goes by this title, but there should be.

Otherwise, it’s just a recall of erection pills, and that’s just dystopian.

City landscape ‘changed dramatically, tragically and perhaps irreversibly’

MICROSOFT KINECT DOESN’T CARE ABOUT DARK PEOPLE.

That’s how it went, right? I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s how it went, right? I mean, it was over 5 years ago, and my memory isn’t exactly fantastic, but those were Kanye West’s words, right?

Golf tees really are that powerful

We rarely see two major issues merge (but we’re hoping the War on Animals and the War on Christmas will combine when rabid squirrels jump out of someone’s tree this year). Today, we have a momentous occasion: the War on Animals and Booze News have met.

In Australia, a rum company is taking some heat from species traitors because of a recent commercial we find to be in the highest echelons of taste. Long story short, an alligator blows up, thanks to the sage advice of the founders of the rum company. Watch the video, it will make more sense.

We salute Bundaberg Rum for its pro-war propaganda that also makes them money. If we ever make it to the land down under, it’s rum for us!