Day: November 10, 2010

Take it from Snee: LOLSmokers

The FDA unveiled a series of new warnings that will go on cigarette packs. Instead of the text that tobacco scientists concocted back in the ’60s to keep LBJ feelin’ a-OK, they’re using graphics, which have lowered smoking numbers in other countries.

Yes, yes. But have you been to other countries? They have dances and songs and holidays where they break eggs over each others’ heads.

When it comes to the school dance that is human culture, Americans are the jaded loner smoking in bathroom. You think some graphics are gonna get us out onto the dance floor for the Electric Slide? Pfft, fat chance. It’s stupid, you’re stupid and our nonconformist lungs would be winded by “woogie-woggie-woggie!”

Still, let’s take a look at what the government’s gonna throw at 500 years of an awesome tradition, from John Smith to Kirsten Dunst. (Warning: some of these are gross.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: LOLSmokers

Alabama is trying to kill me with sex

SeriouslyGuys deployed me to Huntsville, Alabama in 2007. They hoped that they would have direct access to all the stupid stories in the South. (Who would have suspected Florida and South Carolina?)

But, every now and then, this town delivers.

Local sex shop Pleasures will open a second location in Huntsville in the best metaphor of our economic times: a closed-down bank. The drive-thru teller lanes will be incorporated into the business as the first sex toy drive-thru in Alabama and possibly the world.

Look, Pleasures owner Sherri Williams: Huntsville just outlawed texting and driving to curb accidents and save lives. Now I have to dodge your customers when they’re on a “joy ride?” Not cool.

No names were sewn into the band

A 55-year-old part-time shop worker in Nara, Japan, was suspected of stealing a few pair of panties from a neighbor’s home. A few. Nothing too crazy. They thought this weirdo was taking them from her balcony as they were drying. He’s a pervert, but not a super pervert, right?

Wrong.

When police searched his home they found about 3,000 pair of other women’s underwear. Three thousand. The gross old man told police,

“I’ve always been interested in women’s underwear.”

You think? I wonder what he did with all of these.

Scratch that. No I don’t.

Release the hounds!

An old proverb says that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” In war, this can be true, but what happens when the enemy of your enemy is also your enemy?

The U.K. doesn’t really care, they’re going for it anyway. The British Special Air Service, part of the U.K.’s special forces, though they sound more like a postal service, is reportedly employing German shepherds with video cameras attached to seek out the Taliban in Afghanistan.

How many times are we going to repeat our mistakes there? If history shows us anything, it’s that we train the enemy of our enemies, but then they turn around and use that training against us as soon as they can. Don’t think the animals won’t do the same.