Day: November 22, 2010

The McBournie Minute: Hands-on security

I’ve been doing a lot of flying lately. No, I’m not going to do one of those anthropological traveler-type columns–at least not this time. This time, I have a bone to pick with the TSA. Some call them lazy, some call them worthless, some call them nothing more than legalized harassment.

I say these guys are heroes. They are on the front lines of homeland security, day in and day out. On top of this, they have to wear those extremely blue dress shirts as part of their uniform. Because of this, they thank us for not laughing at them too much. Sure, they make us take off our shoes, empty our pockets, make sure our laptop is in a separate tray and confiscate our lighters if they happen to be looking at the x-ray machine at that moment, but they also make us feel safer.

People are getting after them about their new body scan photography stuff and thorough pat-downs, I say do more, and do it to me. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Hands-on security

Thou shalt not call thy spouse ‘hubby’ or ‘wifey’

When the Reverend Cedric Miller spoke out against married couples using Facebook because it makes infidelity so easy, we knew that a scandal was around the corner. And, lo and behold, it was around that corner 10 years ago.

So a Reverend had sex with his wife and another man. If you had constant access to a book that told you the awesome wrong way to do everything, there’s no way you wouldn’t try something. How could you not mix meat and dairy just once?

But, let’s not lose the point here. Rev. Miller’s right: married couples should stay off of Facebook. Or at least just the ones whose profile pictures are of their children.

Help control the Catholic population

Have your cafeteria compatriots condom’d and condom’d up again.

That’s what Pope Benedict XVI said. But only if you’re attempting to stop the spread of AIDS, mind you. If you’re not attempting to stop the spread of AIDS, then keep those slim jims unfettered and unlocked, lest ye be culpable of mortal sin. Or something along those lines. Fear not of excommunication, Catholic prostitutes and carriers of Catholic gingivitis, aka, chlamydia.

You know what Pope Benedict XVI didn’t say? Anything in English.

We feel that way about reality shows, too

Bristol Palin has a chance to do something her mother never has: win a nationwide election. Palin the Younger made it to the finals of the ironically-titled “Dancing with the Stars” this week, but at least one person wasn’t happy about it.

According to police, Steve Cohan, 67, of Vermont, Wisconsin (we checked, it’s a real place), took his shotgun to his television after seeing Palin dancing in last Monday’s episode. Apparently, in the People’s Republic of Wisconsin this is illegal or something, because it led to a 15-hour standoff with police.