Eat My Sports: Struggling with the Heat index

As we take our turn into December for the NBA season, slow starts are no reason to panic, for most teams. However, this is not most years, and the Miami Heat are definitely not most teams, and if I were Pat Riley, I wouldn’t push it, but I’d be staring pretty hard at that panic button right now.

The LeBron James Experiment thus far has not gone as planned. Dwayne Wade looks in limbo and Chris Bosh looks more lost than any player outside of Brian Scallibrine. And with six losses already, those talks about the Heat rivaling the ’95-’96 Chicago Bulls’ record of 72 wins are far gone out the window. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Struggling with the Heat index

Fun Fact: Expected results are expected

Our favorite government-sanctioned four day weekend is almost upon us! Normally, this just means drinking (more) on a Wednesday. But, a new survey indicates that 59 percent of us will check our work email over the break.

If that wasn’t bad enough, of those who will be in to eat turducken “in just a minute,” 41 percent will report to be annoyed to have actually found work-related email in their inbox.

People, there are better and less sad ways to avoid your family than pretending to work–only to receive actual work to do. There’s always:

  • Food comas.
  • Bringing a fake “life partner” to dinner.
  • Injuring and then taking someone to the emergency room after the family football game.

Jive turkeys

Another Thanksgiving, another genocide–just the way George Washington and Abraham Lincoln intended it when they landed on Plymouth Rock. But some people out there don’t just hate America, they hate their own species, and will do anything to help man kind lose its most important battle.

When it comes to Thanksgiving, these traitors can’t help but try to adopt turkeys to keep them from the slaughter. This isn’t like when the president pardons a turkey, because a pardon is based on the fact that you have committed a crime. In a sense, a presidential pardon of a turkey is an annual affirmation that the birds are after us, it is in their very nature. What these species traitors do is adopt turkeys, and then set up adoption programs to keep turkeys off of your table.

What’s next? A ban on leprechaun hunting on St. Patrick’s Day?