Day: November 29, 2010

The McBournie Minute: You won’t get a card from me

I’ve seen enough “Shirley” references on the Internets to last me through this mourning period. I keenly feel the loss of Leslie Nielsen, as he played a major role in the shaping of my humor in my formative years, and his comedies stand up even today. We’ll miss you, Enrico Pallazzo.

You may not have heard about this, but is now the holiday season. That means it’s time to get cheery, damn it! You express your Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa/ Ramadan/ Boxing Day spirit by putting up lights, acting like a buffoon in retail stores and drinking to excess at parties. Christians add a bit more on to this: the Christmas card.

Yesterday I was walking out of the grocery store, filled with warm and fuzzy feelings about those important to me, and how I should make an effort to maintain those relationships. I thought that perhaps I should send them some sort of a message letting them know that they are in my thoughts, and that I am doing well.

Then I realized I was thinking about Christmas cards, and I stopped thinking about other people. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: You won’t get a card from me

The Real Story: Earmarks possibly banned via earmark

No, the headline above is not a LOL; it’s purely observation of a phenomenon witnessed only in Washington D.C. and Mr. Magoo’s torture cellar:  clueless execution. And, as Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla. hoped, the Associated Press missed it in the midst of their story about an FDA bill.

“Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev. got an agreement to move the legislation by allowing Republicans to offer amendments not relevant to the bill. […] Coburn is expected to offer an amendment to place a moratorium on spending for ‘earmarks,’ or pet projects in lawmakers’ states and districts[.]”

Alright, technically, it’s not an earmark. But it sure ain’t a straightforward bill, neither.

Someone call Mister Burns!

For eons, the Sun has provided free energy, light, and warmth to Earth, and all for free. What a capitalistic waste. But now, no longer!

Angeles Duran, a woman from the Spanish region of Galicia, is the new proud owner of the Sun. She says she got the idea in September when she read about an American man registering his ownership of the Moon and most of the planets in the Solar System. She says that she has every right do this within international law, which only forbids countries from claiming planets or stars, not individuals:

“There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first.”

She says she will begin charging people for the use of the Sun. The price she paid? Approximately a measly 5 gazillion moonbucks.

Update your status or it didn’t happen

We’ve all known that Facebook can be bad for your professional career, and put a serious crimp in your extra-marital activities, but now, it’s actually bad for your health.

An Italian man suffered an asthma attack after signing on to Facebook and checking out how many friends his ex-girlfriend had added. First off, this is a rookie mistake. You never check an ex’s profile, you’ll never find any good information there (that’s why I stalk in person). Secondly, if your ex is adding enough friends (or “friending,” as the kids are calling it), to trigger your asthma, he or she is probably a whore, and you’re better off.